Here is the second set of rules in our series of Facebook Do's and Don'ts. Volume III will soon be here followed by Volume IV. Enjoy, and hope you laugh out loud!
26. "Liking" is not a favorite tool for the obssessed posters. When they post something, write a comment instead of "liking" if you love your life. LOL!
27. Stop changing your profile name every week. We no longer recognize you when you pop up on our Home Pages.
28. Stop loading pictures that are upside down. Rotate them and save our necks a doctor's visit!
29. Repeatedly sending friendship requests to the same person after being ignored is tantamount to stalking. Cut it out! No means no. Got it?
30. If you come up with a new acronym, the full meaning must be circulated together with the acronym for at least a month before the acronym can stand alone. “MDFSKKK” sounds dirty at first glance to those who do not speak twi.
31. I just sprayed a tanker of pesticide on Farmville. All the plants and residents thereof are now dead. You can give it a rest now.
32. We don’t need any more photo education on how a woman’s breasts look like half-way out of her blouse. Cover up before your next FB album photo shoot.
33. You don’t have to become a fan of every page that is suggested to you by every Tom, Dick and Harry. It’s okay to ignore some fan pages. Yeah, especially when you don’t know who or what you are just about to become a fan of???
34. This year, please limit your status updates to a maximum of two a day. You don’t have to chronicle every detail of your “great” life. Who cares if your AMG won’t start?
35. Stop rolling your eyes at every status update posted by your “frenemies.” They too are allowed to express themselves.
36. And if you know your status update is going to start a fight outside of FB, think hard before you post. Stop giving FB a bad name.
37. Stop changing your relationship status just to get attention. The fact that “it’s complicated” is an option, does not mean you have to select it.
38. If you know your name has changed since we last met, or you are not using your real name on here, don’t be mad when I ignore your friendship request. Yeah, I am that dumb. I cannot figure it out on my own that Sexy Rose is the same person as Rosemary Pow.
39.Stop posting unintelligible status updates. We log on here to rest our brains not crack them open!
40. It’s been more than a year since you joined FB and you still have less than fifty friends. Why are you here?
41. If the number of people on your list of friends exceeds 500, you cannot call half the people on there “friends.” They are what we call “stalkers!” No one has 500 friends.
42. And if you have more than a thousand people on your list of friends, you have now reached your goal. You are officially a fake celebrity. You are now allowed to let some of the “friends” go.
43. Go ahead. You can resume lurking on my page. That application called “Profile Spy” is fake. I will never know you were on my page for two hours!
44. Don’t complain when I tag you. Smiling and posing at my camera is equal to permission for me to tag you. “Untag” yourself already and let’s move on!
45. Do not post a photo of yourself that is more than five years old as your profile picture. You and I know you look nothing like that today.
46. And if you have a waterfall, a tree, a flower, or a plant in any shape or form as your profile picture, you know what to do. The last time I checked your name was not Niagra Falls, hibiscus or bougainvillea!
47. If you know your account has been bugged by a hacker, change your password already. I get excited when I see that I have new messages in my inbox. Your hacker is bursting my bubble!
48. If you have a personal message for a person that sent you and many others a group message, please do not hit that “reply all” button. Spare us and reply to him/her only, or create a new message. Thank you very much!
49. If you are chatting up three people including me at the same time, stay focused. I’ve been getting too many “accidental messages” from you. Hmm!
50. If you took time to read all the above rules, give yourself a pat on the back. You are officially a staunch Facebooker!
Welcome to Osaah's Pen! A blog by Mame Saah. Here's your one-stop shop for the funnies, the current, the gossip and the oh-lah-lah! My pen and I hope to get a chuckle out of you during your visit. Happy Reading and do leave us a comment!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Mame Saah's 25 Do's and Don'ts for Facebook 2010 Vol. 1
This is my first in the series of my 25 Do's and Don't for Facebook. It was popular among my readers on Facebook so I kept going. I am now at Volume 4 which I totally forgot to share. So, in order to re-cap before sharing volume 4, here you are. Hope you laugh out loud. Enjoy!
1. Don’t be poking me when you know I don’t know you and you are not on my friend’s list.
2. If we haven’t been in touch for five years or more and I accept your friend request, don’t just sit there. Poke me, write on my wall or inbox me so that we can start the reconnection! Lurking around my page for a year without one comment is not reconnection. It’s called creepiness!
3. And if you know I accepted you because we have common friends, go ahead and break the ice. Say something. I don’t bite!
4. You have been on Facebook for two years and you still have no profile picture. You suck! Post a picture!
5. Talking about pictures, once in a while, you too share some photos. You know you are logging on every five minutes to see if someone has posted an album. This year, it’s your turn to make Facebook interesting for someone else. I challenge you to post an album.
6. If you start chatting me up and I haven’t responded after five minutes, you should know I don’t want to talk to you. Give it up already!
7. Facebook is a social networking site, not a boxing ring so cut out the sarcastic and bickering status updates. They are a drain!
8. If you don’t have a positive comment to make about someone’s status or photo, shut up and keep your comment to yourself. We don’t need to hear your sour mouth.
9. Once in a while, you too comment on someone’s status, photo or link. You have been at the receiving end for too long.
10. You have had the same profile picture for over a year. This is 2010. Uploading a new profile picture is not rocket science. Get going!
11. If someone is on your friends list and it’s their b’day, wish them a happy b’day on their wall. It’s a nice thing to do.
12. Overusing the short-hand to write your status updates makes them difficult to read. Stop the laziness and spell out the three-letter words!
13. If you constantly have ten typing errors in your status updates, they no longer qualify as “errors.” You need English grammar lessons before you are allowed any more status updates!
14. If your virtual card, flowers and gifts require me to launch another application, stop and think very hard about what you are about to do before you hit that “share” button. You didn’t like it when someone made you launch that application in order to accept your flowers. Don’t do it to me!
15. Stop posting ten links a day to unrecognizable websites. No one reads them!
16. Let’s see some variety in your status updates this year. We’ve heard enough about your kids, your dog, your cat and the people you cannot stand!
17. If you poke me and I poke you back, give it a rest for at least a week before you poke me again!
18. If I post a photo and you like it, show it. You don’t have to make a comment. It only takes a second to click “like.”
19. Review your friendship request list and “accept’ or “ignore.” It’s that simple! Don’t leave people hanging on to the hope that maybe one day, you’ll accept their request. Ignore them already and let them start the “healing” process.
20. Don’t go begging for your friends’ passwords so you can look at my pictures. If I wanted you to see my pictures, I would have accepted your friend request!
21. If you haven’t laughed at this list so far, you are either not a Facebooker or you are incapable of taking a joke. You are therefore being sent to Mark Zukerberg and the Facebook Membership Re-evaluation Committee.
22. If someone makes a comment about something you posted, respond to their comment, it’s the polite thing to do!
23. Stop clicking the refresh or “home” button EVERY minute to see the newest activity in the “Live Feed.” Your mouse is begging for a break!
24. It’s OK to get up and go to bed when your forehead starts doing the typing for you at 2:00 am. Facebook will be there in the morning when you wake up!
25. You are addicted to Facebook as I am so stop talking bad about the Facebook addicts. You have no profile picture, have never posted a comment, link, album, etc. and yet you are always logged on feasting your eyes! What does that make you, huhn? Yeah, I thought so!
© Mame Saah 2010
1. Don’t be poking me when you know I don’t know you and you are not on my friend’s list.
2. If we haven’t been in touch for five years or more and I accept your friend request, don’t just sit there. Poke me, write on my wall or inbox me so that we can start the reconnection! Lurking around my page for a year without one comment is not reconnection. It’s called creepiness!
3. And if you know I accepted you because we have common friends, go ahead and break the ice. Say something. I don’t bite!
4. You have been on Facebook for two years and you still have no profile picture. You suck! Post a picture!
5. Talking about pictures, once in a while, you too share some photos. You know you are logging on every five minutes to see if someone has posted an album. This year, it’s your turn to make Facebook interesting for someone else. I challenge you to post an album.
6. If you start chatting me up and I haven’t responded after five minutes, you should know I don’t want to talk to you. Give it up already!
7. Facebook is a social networking site, not a boxing ring so cut out the sarcastic and bickering status updates. They are a drain!
8. If you don’t have a positive comment to make about someone’s status or photo, shut up and keep your comment to yourself. We don’t need to hear your sour mouth.
9. Once in a while, you too comment on someone’s status, photo or link. You have been at the receiving end for too long.
10. You have had the same profile picture for over a year. This is 2010. Uploading a new profile picture is not rocket science. Get going!
11. If someone is on your friends list and it’s their b’day, wish them a happy b’day on their wall. It’s a nice thing to do.
12. Overusing the short-hand to write your status updates makes them difficult to read. Stop the laziness and spell out the three-letter words!
13. If you constantly have ten typing errors in your status updates, they no longer qualify as “errors.” You need English grammar lessons before you are allowed any more status updates!
14. If your virtual card, flowers and gifts require me to launch another application, stop and think very hard about what you are about to do before you hit that “share” button. You didn’t like it when someone made you launch that application in order to accept your flowers. Don’t do it to me!
15. Stop posting ten links a day to unrecognizable websites. No one reads them!
16. Let’s see some variety in your status updates this year. We’ve heard enough about your kids, your dog, your cat and the people you cannot stand!
17. If you poke me and I poke you back, give it a rest for at least a week before you poke me again!
18. If I post a photo and you like it, show it. You don’t have to make a comment. It only takes a second to click “like.”
19. Review your friendship request list and “accept’ or “ignore.” It’s that simple! Don’t leave people hanging on to the hope that maybe one day, you’ll accept their request. Ignore them already and let them start the “healing” process.
20. Don’t go begging for your friends’ passwords so you can look at my pictures. If I wanted you to see my pictures, I would have accepted your friend request!
21. If you haven’t laughed at this list so far, you are either not a Facebooker or you are incapable of taking a joke. You are therefore being sent to Mark Zukerberg and the Facebook Membership Re-evaluation Committee.
22. If someone makes a comment about something you posted, respond to their comment, it’s the polite thing to do!
23. Stop clicking the refresh or “home” button EVERY minute to see the newest activity in the “Live Feed.” Your mouse is begging for a break!
24. It’s OK to get up and go to bed when your forehead starts doing the typing for you at 2:00 am. Facebook will be there in the morning when you wake up!
25. You are addicted to Facebook as I am so stop talking bad about the Facebook addicts. You have no profile picture, have never posted a comment, link, album, etc. and yet you are always logged on feasting your eyes! What does that make you, huhn? Yeah, I thought so!
© Mame Saah 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Thirty Reasons Why You Need a Serious Beat Down (Written by Mame Saah)
1. You’ve used a computer for more than five years and still type with two fingers.
2. You’ve had a cell phone for more than five years and still can’t type a combination of upper case and lower case letters in your text messages.
3. Neither can you use punctuations in your texts.
4. You’ve had the same cell phone for more than three years.
5. The thought of making a three-way call gives you palpitations because you have no idea how to go about it.
6. You’ve been driving for more than five years and you don’t know how to change a tire.
7. Neither do you know where to put the oil in your engine.
8. You have a driver’s license but don’t know how to parallel-park.
9. Neither can you drive in reverse more than five feet.
10. You don’t know the words to the national anthem of your native country. Neither can you recite the national pledge.
11. The only president whose name you know is the president of the United States.
12. You have no idea who your governor is.
13. Neither do you know the capital city of your state.
14. You are married and can’t boil an egg for nothing!
15. You’ve been married for more than three years and still get your anniversary date wrong.
16. Worse still, you still can’t get your wife’s birthday right.
17. You have a college degree and still refer to Africa as a country.
18. You seem to have this idea that all Africans know each other.
19. You have a college degree and can’t spell for nothing. You show signs of having a nervous breakdown when the program you are using to type a message does not have a spell check feature.
20. Without a calculator, you are a “D” student at Math.
21. Twelve times twelve is rocket science to you.
22. You’ve had a checking account for more than five years and still cannot balance your checkbook/account.
23. You cast insinuations at the banks for charging you multiple NSF fees (for transactions made when you knew you could be overdrawing your account) as if the existence of NSF fees just fell out of the skies!
24. You’ve dinned out multiple times and still can’t figure out if the fork goes to the left hand and knife to the right or vice versa.
25. And you start sweating buckets if more than one fork and/or spoon is included in the place setting at a dinner event.
26. You are a woman over 30 years of age and have never had an appointment with a gynecologist!
27. You have been watching TV for more than ten years and still have no idea how to work your TV remote control beside the power on/power off buttons.
28. You are younger than 50 years old and till today do not have an e-mail address.
29. A shortage of gas in your car has left you stranded multiple times on the road yet you still wait till the gas tank light has flashed its last before refueling!
30. You are guilty of more than half of the above 29! You need a serious BEAT DOWN! LOL! LOL!
2. You’ve had a cell phone for more than five years and still can’t type a combination of upper case and lower case letters in your text messages.
3. Neither can you use punctuations in your texts.
4. You’ve had the same cell phone for more than three years.
5. The thought of making a three-way call gives you palpitations because you have no idea how to go about it.
6. You’ve been driving for more than five years and you don’t know how to change a tire.
7. Neither do you know where to put the oil in your engine.
8. You have a driver’s license but don’t know how to parallel-park.
9. Neither can you drive in reverse more than five feet.
10. You don’t know the words to the national anthem of your native country. Neither can you recite the national pledge.
11. The only president whose name you know is the president of the United States.
12. You have no idea who your governor is.
13. Neither do you know the capital city of your state.
14. You are married and can’t boil an egg for nothing!
15. You’ve been married for more than three years and still get your anniversary date wrong.
16. Worse still, you still can’t get your wife’s birthday right.
17. You have a college degree and still refer to Africa as a country.
18. You seem to have this idea that all Africans know each other.
19. You have a college degree and can’t spell for nothing. You show signs of having a nervous breakdown when the program you are using to type a message does not have a spell check feature.
20. Without a calculator, you are a “D” student at Math.
21. Twelve times twelve is rocket science to you.
22. You’ve had a checking account for more than five years and still cannot balance your checkbook/account.
23. You cast insinuations at the banks for charging you multiple NSF fees (for transactions made when you knew you could be overdrawing your account) as if the existence of NSF fees just fell out of the skies!
24. You’ve dinned out multiple times and still can’t figure out if the fork goes to the left hand and knife to the right or vice versa.
25. And you start sweating buckets if more than one fork and/or spoon is included in the place setting at a dinner event.
26. You are a woman over 30 years of age and have never had an appointment with a gynecologist!
27. You have been watching TV for more than ten years and still have no idea how to work your TV remote control beside the power on/power off buttons.
28. You are younger than 50 years old and till today do not have an e-mail address.
29. A shortage of gas in your car has left you stranded multiple times on the road yet you still wait till the gas tank light has flashed its last before refueling!
30. You are guilty of more than half of the above 29! You need a serious BEAT DOWN! LOL! LOL!
Monday, June 21, 2010
A Little Break
To our readers and fans: Apologies for the mini break in June. We have been super busy. We will be back shortly to to entertain you with new LOL articles and updates to our blog. In the meantime, enjoy the old posts on the page. Mad love to you all!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Three Reasons Why You Need to Hold on Tight to Your Wig (Written by Mame Saah)
If you have a black sister in your life, you know by now that often times, the hair on our heads belong to us by purchase and not by birth. Our natural kinky hair is not the easiest to maintain and sometimes to avoid all the hassle from getting a perm or sitting down for hours just to get some decent braids, among many other excuses, we resort to the fastest and easiest way to getting some fabulous looking hair- wearing a wig! Now, some of us have worn wigs for so long, people are beginning to think the hair is our real hair. Being an avid wig wearer comes with the ability to take major precautions against wig accidents because trust me there is nothing more embarrassing than your wig falling off your hair in the most unexpected circumstances. Here are three true stories of wigs coming off some heads at the wrong times. Ladies, hope you learn a lesson from these stories and hold on tight to your wigs like nobody’s business. To my fake-hair- wearing ladies, this one is for you. Enjoy and hope you LOL!
1) It Can Embarrass You in Class
For a good part of my undergraduate studies, I wore a long 18-inch wig. My favorite kind: color 1B black and silky. A lot of my friends and professors must have thought it was my real hair. I don’t blame them. That’s all they ever saw on my head. So it must have been a “traumatizing” experience (haahaa!) for my Economics professor and classmates when I dozed off in class one day, and, you guessed right, my wig decided to escape from my head. This particular class was boring so I found myself often putting my head on my desk that day. I noticed my professor looking at me weird but I figured it was her dirty look to tell me to sit up. My classmates sitting adjacent to me would also steal a glance at me and giggle. I would say to myself, “Haven’t they seen a student dozing off in class before?” After a long hour and fifteen minutes, the class was over and I dashed to the bathroom before my next class. I saw people looking at me on my way to bathroom. Just when I approached the sink to wash my hands after using the bathroom, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing in the mirror. My wig had shifted all the way to the back of my head and was on the verge of falling down! And this was the day that my hair sock was not even black. It was tan in color and so obvious! I looked like a mannequin at the mall. Unfortunately, I was the only “sister” in that class and I guess no one else was comfortable enough to tell me what was going on my head! At that very moment, I wanted the floor to open so I could fall in and vanish! But my history class was beckoning me in five minutes. So, with the confidence of a proud black woman rocking her fake hair, I washed my hand, shifted my 18-inch wig in place and strutted out like nothing had happened. I head the squealing and giggling behind me and I prayed I would never see those students in the bathroom again!
2) It Can Embarrass You on a Date
Maureen loved her wigs. Every week-end, she would wear a different one out and feel way cool and pretty until one fateful date happened. This guy she had a crush on happened to ask her out on a date. She wouldn’t let us hear the end f her upcoming date with Mr. Hot Guy! We all helped her pick her outfit and dress her up. We advised her to wear her hair out and forget about her wig. Maureen was Indian with beautiful curly hair but she insisted on her favorite brown straight wig. According to her, the last time she saw Mr. Hot Guy, that’s the wig she was wearing. So, Maureen goes out to the movies with him and a stroll afterwards headed for a restaurant. Halfway there, Mr. Hot Guy goes in for a kiss. Maureen is thrilled and is about to kiss him back when she felt the dreadful happen. She opened her eyes to see her wig in Mr. Hot Guy’s hand and the most shocking look on his face. She was so embarrassed that she “fled the scene” with her wig still in Mr. Hot Guy’s hands. When she came back to the dorm room with her wigless head and told us what had happened, we laughed over and over again until it was morning. Till this day, we still laugh about this story. We believe that was the last of Maureen’s wig-wearing days.
3) It Can Embarrass You on a Holiday Trip
On a recent trip to Niagara Falls, what happened to my aunt could win an award on America’s Funniest Home Videos had my brother-in-law, sister, mother and aunt had a video camera to record their experience there. It happened to be a very windy day. The kind of wind that breaks trees down. Towards the end of their visit to the Falls, the winds begun to blow non-stop. Everyone was holding on to their property in addition to finding a safe place to hide or a strong structure to hold on to. My aunt’s first instinct was to grab onto her purse. No sooner had she secured her purse than her wig flew of her head! My brother in-law Reuben, in an attempt to impress his in-laws, decided to risk his life and chase after the wig which was rolling down fast in the wind like a soccer ball. As the wig approached the street, an on-coming car "paid respect" and stopped for the wig to cross the road. Reuben had both arms outstretched, running with all his might to catch the wig. Just when he thought he was about to grab the wig, the wig crossed the border to Canada. Still not giving up, he crossed the border with the wig, not realizing he was “illegally” in Canada! After a few minutes of frantic searching, he discovered the wig under a car on the Canadian side of the Falls. He held on tight to my aunt’s precious wig and headed back to the US only to find my almost 60-year old mother hugging a tree with both arms and legs crossed around it like a bear for fear of being blown away, and my 61-year old aunt crouching under a park bench. My sister was no where to be found; she had left the two old ladies in pursuit of saving her own life. LOL! My aunt who did not have the courage to put the wig back on her head decided to put it in her purse for the rest of the trip! Soon the winds subsided and the non-stop laughter at what had just happened ensued.
So you see, ladies, you should make sure your wig is secure when you walk out of the house because you never know when you will be the next laughing stock!
(The first two photos on the left column of this page show before and after pictures of my aunt and her wig.
1) It Can Embarrass You in Class
For a good part of my undergraduate studies, I wore a long 18-inch wig. My favorite kind: color 1B black and silky. A lot of my friends and professors must have thought it was my real hair. I don’t blame them. That’s all they ever saw on my head. So it must have been a “traumatizing” experience (haahaa!) for my Economics professor and classmates when I dozed off in class one day, and, you guessed right, my wig decided to escape from my head. This particular class was boring so I found myself often putting my head on my desk that day. I noticed my professor looking at me weird but I figured it was her dirty look to tell me to sit up. My classmates sitting adjacent to me would also steal a glance at me and giggle. I would say to myself, “Haven’t they seen a student dozing off in class before?” After a long hour and fifteen minutes, the class was over and I dashed to the bathroom before my next class. I saw people looking at me on my way to bathroom. Just when I approached the sink to wash my hands after using the bathroom, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing in the mirror. My wig had shifted all the way to the back of my head and was on the verge of falling down! And this was the day that my hair sock was not even black. It was tan in color and so obvious! I looked like a mannequin at the mall. Unfortunately, I was the only “sister” in that class and I guess no one else was comfortable enough to tell me what was going on my head! At that very moment, I wanted the floor to open so I could fall in and vanish! But my history class was beckoning me in five minutes. So, with the confidence of a proud black woman rocking her fake hair, I washed my hand, shifted my 18-inch wig in place and strutted out like nothing had happened. I head the squealing and giggling behind me and I prayed I would never see those students in the bathroom again!
2) It Can Embarrass You on a Date
Maureen loved her wigs. Every week-end, she would wear a different one out and feel way cool and pretty until one fateful date happened. This guy she had a crush on happened to ask her out on a date. She wouldn’t let us hear the end f her upcoming date with Mr. Hot Guy! We all helped her pick her outfit and dress her up. We advised her to wear her hair out and forget about her wig. Maureen was Indian with beautiful curly hair but she insisted on her favorite brown straight wig. According to her, the last time she saw Mr. Hot Guy, that’s the wig she was wearing. So, Maureen goes out to the movies with him and a stroll afterwards headed for a restaurant. Halfway there, Mr. Hot Guy goes in for a kiss. Maureen is thrilled and is about to kiss him back when she felt the dreadful happen. She opened her eyes to see her wig in Mr. Hot Guy’s hand and the most shocking look on his face. She was so embarrassed that she “fled the scene” with her wig still in Mr. Hot Guy’s hands. When she came back to the dorm room with her wigless head and told us what had happened, we laughed over and over again until it was morning. Till this day, we still laugh about this story. We believe that was the last of Maureen’s wig-wearing days.
3) It Can Embarrass You on a Holiday Trip
On a recent trip to Niagara Falls, what happened to my aunt could win an award on America’s Funniest Home Videos had my brother-in-law, sister, mother and aunt had a video camera to record their experience there. It happened to be a very windy day. The kind of wind that breaks trees down. Towards the end of their visit to the Falls, the winds begun to blow non-stop. Everyone was holding on to their property in addition to finding a safe place to hide or a strong structure to hold on to. My aunt’s first instinct was to grab onto her purse. No sooner had she secured her purse than her wig flew of her head! My brother in-law Reuben, in an attempt to impress his in-laws, decided to risk his life and chase after the wig which was rolling down fast in the wind like a soccer ball. As the wig approached the street, an on-coming car "paid respect" and stopped for the wig to cross the road. Reuben had both arms outstretched, running with all his might to catch the wig. Just when he thought he was about to grab the wig, the wig crossed the border to Canada. Still not giving up, he crossed the border with the wig, not realizing he was “illegally” in Canada! After a few minutes of frantic searching, he discovered the wig under a car on the Canadian side of the Falls. He held on tight to my aunt’s precious wig and headed back to the US only to find my almost 60-year old mother hugging a tree with both arms and legs crossed around it like a bear for fear of being blown away, and my 61-year old aunt crouching under a park bench. My sister was no where to be found; she had left the two old ladies in pursuit of saving her own life. LOL! My aunt who did not have the courage to put the wig back on her head decided to put it in her purse for the rest of the trip! Soon the winds subsided and the non-stop laughter at what had just happened ensued.
So you see, ladies, you should make sure your wig is secure when you walk out of the house because you never know when you will be the next laughing stock!
(The first two photos on the left column of this page show before and after pictures of my aunt and her wig.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
We Are Back
We are back from our mini break. Stay tuned for this week's updates. Thanks for your committed readership!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Terms of Endearment Gone Wrong: Twenty Responses to the Guy that Makes You Want to Cringe (Written by Mame Saah)
Ladies have you ever had the wrong guy call you with a term of endearment that makes you want to cringe? Yeah, I’m sure you have. Guys, sorry but we are putting you on the chopping board today. Don’t get us wrong, we like it when these terms are used by the “right” people aka husbands, boyfriends, crushes and hot guys. But, if you know there’s no way on this planet that we are going to be romantically linked with you, please desist from using the following terms of endearment when referring to us. Please spare yourself a lot of embarrassment and use our birth names thank you very much. Yeah, ladies, as I was saying, if he calls you by a term of endearment that makes you want to cringe and you find yourself fumbling for words, here’s to helping you out with the following twenty. Its all fun and games, guys, so hope you LOL!
1. Sweetheart- My “sweet” heart just hardened and went sour the moment I heard you call me sweetheart.
2. Honey- Yeah, I sting like a bee. Wait till I sting you and see if “honey” is what will come out of your mouth.
3. Dear- The last time I checked, I didn’t have antlers and I was not hopping across the park. Get it together!
4. Darling- If there’s no animal called “darl” then darling does not exist. Don’t even think about calling me a nonexistent baby animal name!
5. Baby- Unless you see a diaper on my bottom and a pacifier in my mouth, please cease and desist from calling me “baby!”
6. Boo- I’m not scared of ghosts. If you are dead, stay dead and stop walking amongst us, “booing” people!
7. Sugar- Do I look like a walking condiment? If you lost your way to convenience store please retrace your steps and stop confusing yourself!
8. Pumpkin- If you want to turn into a pumpkin yourself, keep calling me pumpkin!
9. Sweetie Pie- Just watch, you’ll soon be calling me “tart”. Yeah, I’m good at playing opposites!
10. Love- Ma-a-a-a-n, you can’t even spell “love.” Move over!
11. My African Queen- You’ve got that right. I’m a queen and you are a subject. We don’t go together!
12. Angel- You want to borrow my wings and fly off for good?
13. Beautiful- Yep, my beauty is full. There’s no room for ya!
14. Doll- The fact that you have a fetish for dolls doesn’t mean every walking female is a doll. Book an appointment with your psychiatrist already!
15. Cutie Patutie- Define “cutie patutie!” Yeah, I thought so!
16. Girl- Do you see any ribbons and bows in my hair?
17. Gorgeous- It’s taken me more than three minutes to figure out that this is the word you are trying to pronounce, you should not be using it as a pick up word, mister! Adios!
18. Pookie- That’s what you should be naming your dog, not me.
19. Sexy- Last I heard, you could not perform part of this word. Why do you even bother? Say your permanent good-bye to your friend under your belt buckle and forget about it!
20. Sunshine- Quick, get an umbrella! It’s about to rain rejection on your sorry self! Ain’t no sunshine in this place!
1. Sweetheart- My “sweet” heart just hardened and went sour the moment I heard you call me sweetheart.
2. Honey- Yeah, I sting like a bee. Wait till I sting you and see if “honey” is what will come out of your mouth.
3. Dear- The last time I checked, I didn’t have antlers and I was not hopping across the park. Get it together!
4. Darling- If there’s no animal called “darl” then darling does not exist. Don’t even think about calling me a nonexistent baby animal name!
5. Baby- Unless you see a diaper on my bottom and a pacifier in my mouth, please cease and desist from calling me “baby!”
6. Boo- I’m not scared of ghosts. If you are dead, stay dead and stop walking amongst us, “booing” people!
7. Sugar- Do I look like a walking condiment? If you lost your way to convenience store please retrace your steps and stop confusing yourself!
8. Pumpkin- If you want to turn into a pumpkin yourself, keep calling me pumpkin!
9. Sweetie Pie- Just watch, you’ll soon be calling me “tart”. Yeah, I’m good at playing opposites!
10. Love- Ma-a-a-a-n, you can’t even spell “love.” Move over!
11. My African Queen- You’ve got that right. I’m a queen and you are a subject. We don’t go together!
12. Angel- You want to borrow my wings and fly off for good?
13. Beautiful- Yep, my beauty is full. There’s no room for ya!
14. Doll- The fact that you have a fetish for dolls doesn’t mean every walking female is a doll. Book an appointment with your psychiatrist already!
15. Cutie Patutie- Define “cutie patutie!” Yeah, I thought so!
16. Girl- Do you see any ribbons and bows in my hair?
17. Gorgeous- It’s taken me more than three minutes to figure out that this is the word you are trying to pronounce, you should not be using it as a pick up word, mister! Adios!
18. Pookie- That’s what you should be naming your dog, not me.
19. Sexy- Last I heard, you could not perform part of this word. Why do you even bother? Say your permanent good-bye to your friend under your belt buckle and forget about it!
20. Sunshine- Quick, get an umbrella! It’s about to rain rejection on your sorry self! Ain’t no sunshine in this place!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
News/Gossip: Our Three Picks
President Obama Picks Woman for Supreme Court Seat
Yippeeee! We are excited that President Obama has chosen Princeton and Harvard alum Elena Kagan to take the Supreme Court seat left by Justice John Paul Stevens. Thumbs up to Obama for believing in a woman to take one of the highest positions in the US. Yes, women have brains too and it's about time somebody realised that. OK, we sound a little bit feminist but hey, we can't help it. We've been cheated for too long. March on Ms. Kagan, jump those hurdles and take that seat!
AT&T's Monopoly Over the iPhone
One of our pet peeves is greed in every shape or form! What's behind AT&T and Apple's five year contract that iPhone be available only through AT&T until 2010? GREED! But hey, who are we to complain? We are in capitalist America. It's all about the money and more money! The iPhone is a cool gadet to have and those of us who are not with AT&T froth at the mouth at our buddies who are but we are more than willing to lead a campaign to boycott AT&T and Apple for this nonsense. But who are we kidding? It's the tech era and we'll have a bunch of betrayers who will fall off the bandwagon so are going to bed with our wishful thinking. Goodnight!
Bobby Brown is Engaged to His Baby Mama
Bobby Brown proposed to his manager/girlfriend of three years Alicia Etheridge onstage during a concert in Florida last friday while she carried their eleven month old son Cassius. Well, congratulations to them but why is Bobby Brown having more children when he can't even pay child support for his other children? There should be a law banning fathers who don't take care of their kids from having more kids. That's what I say! Let's hope Bobby gets his act together this time, stays sober and does right by all five of his children!
AT&T's Monopoly Over the iPhone
One of our pet peeves is greed in every shape or form! What's behind AT&T and Apple's five year contract that iPhone be available only through AT&T until 2010? GREED! But hey, who are we to complain? We are in capitalist America. It's all about the money and more money! The iPhone is a cool gadet to have and those of us who are not with AT&T froth at the mouth at our buddies who are but we are more than willing to lead a campaign to boycott AT&T and Apple for this nonsense. But who are we kidding? It's the tech era and we'll have a bunch of betrayers who will fall off the bandwagon so are going to bed with our wishful thinking. Goodnight!
Bobby Brown is Engaged to His Baby Mama
Bobby Brown proposed to his manager/girlfriend of three years Alicia Etheridge onstage during a concert in Florida last friday while she carried their eleven month old son Cassius. Well, congratulations to them but why is Bobby Brown having more children when he can't even pay child support for his other children? There should be a law banning fathers who don't take care of their kids from having more kids. That's what I say! Let's hope Bobby gets his act together this time, stays sober and does right by all five of his children!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Twenty Reasons Why Your Name is Mama (Written by Mame Saah)
Motherhood is no doubt a daunting task but it is also one of the most fun jobs to have. Mothers spend a lot of time taking care of their children, they tend to be some of the most stressed people around. Here’s to de-stressing for you mothers out there and I hope you LOL. Happy Mother’s Day!
You sure are a mother if…
When they are toddlers:
1. Your purse is a walking pharmacy, convenience store and grocery store. Items constantly in your purse: Tylenol, diapers, snacks and juice!
2. You’ve been to the emergency room looking like a mad woman with your hair looking like you’ve been electrocuted and the only item of clothing you have on is your “grandma” night gown. Why? Because your child had an accident, his/her temperature went over the roof or he or she had a medical emergency of some sort, all you could think of was getting to the emergency room.
3. You only become aware of your appearance after the storm has passed and your child is OK.
4. You’ve had thoughts of whopping the life out of another child because he or she bullied your child but you played nice because the bully’s parents were also present at the playground/play date.
5. People give you dirty looks when you board the plane with your little children in tow.
6. You have eyes at the back and front of your head. You can see the rascal doing artwork with crayons on your wall while you are cooking in the kitchen.
7. You are one of the few people that know the secret to getting rid of crayon marks without repainting.
8. You’ve walked in on your child covering himself from head to toe in milk, Vaseline, powder, flour or some other form of powder, cream or liquid.
9. You have a kaleidoscope of colors under your rug/on your carpet thanks to different juice flavors that have comfortably settled in for a holiday until some power washing or new flooring is done.
10. You’ve resembled a walking zombie on many occasions. Case in point: the first six weeks after your child was born when you had close to zero hours of sleep per day.
11. There is one particular day that you find the father of your child to be the most annoying person on the planet: The day you check into the labor and delivery ward. For some weird reason (ha!) you find his voice to be the most irritating while you suffer through your contractions.
12. You’ve been in severe panic mode because you thought your child had been abducted from your home only to find him hiding in your cabinet, closet or under the bed with a sheepish smile on his face!
13. Your child has said something embarrassing or asked you an embarrassing question out loud in public.
14. You’ve had to chase after your straying child in your heels in the parking lot to get him out of harm’s way.
When they are teenagers:
15. You’ve become a thief in the night. You regularly steal her diary while your daughter is sleeping to find out what she’s up to.
16. “As long as you live under my roof…” begins many of your discussions with your child.
17. You are a nervous wreck until your child comes home late from a date or evening event when you suddenly become the macho disciplinarian.
18. Your title has changed from “cool mum” to “public enemy.”
When they are adults:
19. Though they are living on their own, you are still a nervous wreck because you never stop worrying about your children. Your heart skips a beat the first few seconds they call and resume regular beating when you can tell there’s nothing wrong.
20. You know you are a special person because it takes a special person to be a mother. Give yourself a pat on the back and walk tall with your head up. You are a phenomenal woman! Happy Mother’s Day!
You sure are a mother if…
When they are toddlers:
1. Your purse is a walking pharmacy, convenience store and grocery store. Items constantly in your purse: Tylenol, diapers, snacks and juice!
2. You’ve been to the emergency room looking like a mad woman with your hair looking like you’ve been electrocuted and the only item of clothing you have on is your “grandma” night gown. Why? Because your child had an accident, his/her temperature went over the roof or he or she had a medical emergency of some sort, all you could think of was getting to the emergency room.
3. You only become aware of your appearance after the storm has passed and your child is OK.
4. You’ve had thoughts of whopping the life out of another child because he or she bullied your child but you played nice because the bully’s parents were also present at the playground/play date.
5. People give you dirty looks when you board the plane with your little children in tow.
6. You have eyes at the back and front of your head. You can see the rascal doing artwork with crayons on your wall while you are cooking in the kitchen.
7. You are one of the few people that know the secret to getting rid of crayon marks without repainting.
8. You’ve walked in on your child covering himself from head to toe in milk, Vaseline, powder, flour or some other form of powder, cream or liquid.
9. You have a kaleidoscope of colors under your rug/on your carpet thanks to different juice flavors that have comfortably settled in for a holiday until some power washing or new flooring is done.
10. You’ve resembled a walking zombie on many occasions. Case in point: the first six weeks after your child was born when you had close to zero hours of sleep per day.
11. There is one particular day that you find the father of your child to be the most annoying person on the planet: The day you check into the labor and delivery ward. For some weird reason (ha!) you find his voice to be the most irritating while you suffer through your contractions.
12. You’ve been in severe panic mode because you thought your child had been abducted from your home only to find him hiding in your cabinet, closet or under the bed with a sheepish smile on his face!
13. Your child has said something embarrassing or asked you an embarrassing question out loud in public.
14. You’ve had to chase after your straying child in your heels in the parking lot to get him out of harm’s way.
When they are teenagers:
15. You’ve become a thief in the night. You regularly steal her diary while your daughter is sleeping to find out what she’s up to.
16. “As long as you live under my roof…” begins many of your discussions with your child.
17. You are a nervous wreck until your child comes home late from a date or evening event when you suddenly become the macho disciplinarian.
18. Your title has changed from “cool mum” to “public enemy.”
When they are adults:
19. Though they are living on their own, you are still a nervous wreck because you never stop worrying about your children. Your heart skips a beat the first few seconds they call and resume regular beating when you can tell there’s nothing wrong.
20. You know you are a special person because it takes a special person to be a mother. Give yourself a pat on the back and walk tall with your head up. You are a phenomenal woman! Happy Mother’s Day!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
News/Gossip: Our Three Picks
Nigerians Lose Their Head of State
The Halle and Aubry Relationship is Over
Yes, guys, you can keep hope alive- Halle Berry is single again (boy, do we sound cold!) Here’s your chance at dating the world’s most beautiful woman. Our hearts break for Halle. So talented and so beautiful! Please join our petition to ABC to make Halle the next Bachelorette! LOL! As she can’t find “committing” guys in the real world, TV might be her answer. Hey, it worked for Trista and Ryan!
Sandra Bullock is Divorcing Jesse James and Has Adopted a Black Baby
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra! Our hearts break for thee. Sigh! We will snap out of it ‘cause Jesse James was not a suitor anyway! You just watch, you will find you a clean cut, loving and faithful gentleman pretty soon. And what an incredible thing to do, giving a child a chance at having a loving mother and a great life. God bless you for doing this. For those of you complaining that she adopted a “black” baby, are you really serious? Every single child, irrespective of his/her color, deserves a loving home, period. How is the color of their adoptive parent(s) going to make their situation worse? Please find something else to complain about and leave Sandra alone. Thank you very much! We wish Sandra and baby Louis a happy bonding time!
Our thoughts and prayers are with our Nigerian brothers and sisters. May you be comforted as you mourn the loss of your leader, President Umaru Yar’Adua who passed away today at age 58. Let’s hope we don’t lose another president this year. Two is far too much!
The Halle and Aubry Relationship is Over
Sandra Bullock is Divorcing Jesse James and Has Adopted a Black Baby
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