Here is the second set of rules in our series of Facebook Do's and Don'ts. Volume III will soon be here followed by Volume IV. Enjoy, and hope you laugh out loud!
26. "Liking" is not a favorite tool for the obssessed posters. When they post something, write a comment instead of "liking" if you love your life. LOL!
27. Stop changing your profile name every week. We no longer recognize you when you pop up on our Home Pages.
28. Stop loading pictures that are upside down. Rotate them and save our necks a doctor's visit!
29. Repeatedly sending friendship requests to the same person after being ignored is tantamount to stalking. Cut it out! No means no. Got it?
30. If you come up with a new acronym, the full meaning must be circulated together with the acronym for at least a month before the acronym can stand alone. “MDFSKKK” sounds dirty at first glance to those who do not speak twi.
31. I just sprayed a tanker of pesticide on Farmville. All the plants and residents thereof are now dead. You can give it a rest now.
32. We don’t need any more photo education on how a woman’s breasts look like half-way out of her blouse. Cover up before your next FB album photo shoot.
33. You don’t have to become a fan of every page that is suggested to you by every Tom, Dick and Harry. It’s okay to ignore some fan pages. Yeah, especially when you don’t know who or what you are just about to become a fan of???
34. This year, please limit your status updates to a maximum of two a day. You don’t have to chronicle every detail of your “great” life. Who cares if your AMG won’t start?
35. Stop rolling your eyes at every status update posted by your “frenemies.” They too are allowed to express themselves.
36. And if you know your status update is going to start a fight outside of FB, think hard before you post. Stop giving FB a bad name.
37. Stop changing your relationship status just to get attention. The fact that “it’s complicated” is an option, does not mean you have to select it.
38. If you know your name has changed since we last met, or you are not using your real name on here, don’t be mad when I ignore your friendship request. Yeah, I am that dumb. I cannot figure it out on my own that Sexy Rose is the same person as Rosemary Pow.
39.Stop posting unintelligible status updates. We log on here to rest our brains not crack them open!
40. It’s been more than a year since you joined FB and you still have less than fifty friends. Why are you here?
41. If the number of people on your list of friends exceeds 500, you cannot call half the people on there “friends.” They are what we call “stalkers!” No one has 500 friends.
42. And if you have more than a thousand people on your list of friends, you have now reached your goal. You are officially a fake celebrity. You are now allowed to let some of the “friends” go.
43. Go ahead. You can resume lurking on my page. That application called “Profile Spy” is fake. I will never know you were on my page for two hours!
44. Don’t complain when I tag you. Smiling and posing at my camera is equal to permission for me to tag you. “Untag” yourself already and let’s move on!
45. Do not post a photo of yourself that is more than five years old as your profile picture. You and I know you look nothing like that today.
46. And if you have a waterfall, a tree, a flower, or a plant in any shape or form as your profile picture, you know what to do. The last time I checked your name was not Niagra Falls, hibiscus or bougainvillea!
47. If you know your account has been bugged by a hacker, change your password already. I get excited when I see that I have new messages in my inbox. Your hacker is bursting my bubble!
48. If you have a personal message for a person that sent you and many others a group message, please do not hit that “reply all” button. Spare us and reply to him/her only, or create a new message. Thank you very much!
49. If you are chatting up three people including me at the same time, stay focused. I’ve been getting too many “accidental messages” from you. Hmm!
50. If you took time to read all the above rules, give yourself a pat on the back. You are officially a staunch Facebooker!
Welcome to Osaah's Pen! A blog by Mame Saah. Here's your one-stop shop for the funnies, the current, the gossip and the oh-lah-lah! My pen and I hope to get a chuckle out of you during your visit. Happy Reading and do leave us a comment!
Oh Lord. U sure u don't want to do this for a full-time job, my sister from a different mother?
ReplyDeleteIt's Nana K.
Haahaaa, maybe I should! Glad to crack you up! :)
ReplyDeleteMame, in the next Vol of Dos and Don'ts, one of the rules shd be: It's not necessary to tell us of your whereabouts but if u so wish, then pls don't lie abt it! I saw a status update on ma blackberry one fine afternoon of a friend who said she was having fun somewhere in London. Within 2 minutes, I met her at the bus stop waiting for a bus!
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha! That is hilarious! I've been on hiatus for too long. Time to make acquaintance with my pen again. :)
ReplyDelete