With my head bowed and my tail between my legs, here are my excuses. Have a good laugh! LOL!
1. The Devil made me do it.
2. Blogging or any type of internet activity is a conspiracy by the white man to get black people blind!
3. I spilled goat soup on my computer; it took the geek squad at Best Buy 4 months to figure out what the liquidy substance was.
4. I remembered an embarrassing day when I could not spell my word during spelling bee in elementary school, got re-traumatized, and forgot how to spell and consequently, write.
5. I've been handicapped by obesity; I got so fat, my fingers could not reach over my belly to type on the keyboard.
6. I was at rehab for my Facebook addiction and the morons took away anything that remotely resembles a computer.
7. I was waiting on the Lord to deliver me from the evil called procrastination.
8. I pissed off the aliens after my blogpost denying their existence. The post has since mysteriously disappeared.
9. My late grandma said everyone who works hard deserves a long break every once in a while. I took her words literally.
10. A two-face illegal alien called Mr. Virus took permanent residence at my home (page.)
There you have it! The hiatus of Osaah and her Pen explained in black and white! LOL!
Welcome to Osaah's Pen! A blog by Mame Saah. Here's your one-stop shop for the funnies, the current, the gossip and the oh-lah-lah! My pen and I hope to get a chuckle out of you during your visit. Happy Reading and do leave us a comment!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Happy New Year!
A very Happy New Year to all our readers! We are back with a new design for the blog that is fun, vibrant, and makes for easier reading. We also have some new content coming and would like your input so feel free to e-mail us with suggestions of what you would like to see on here. Stay tuned! And this year, we promise not to be on hiatus for too long so please resume your frequent visits. :)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Mame Saah's 25 Do's and Don'ts for Facebook 2010- Vol. 4 (Just for Laughs)
76. If you are regular Joe and you have a fan page in addition to your regular Facebook page, that’s calling for too much attention. You are not a celebrity, drop the fan page!
77. The profile names Superman Ken, Saved Woman, Pretty Flower, Holy Angel, don’t make you those things. Use your real name for Heaven’s sake!
78. Desist from using a celebrity’s photo as your profile picture. If you are such a big fan, join their fan page!
79. You’ve been an FB member for more than a year and you still need help navigating the page. I’m sorry to tell you online networking is not for you. Do yourself a favor and deactivate your account.
80. And if you are one of the people who keeps deactivating his/her account because you can’t stand some people in your network, do us a favor and permanently deactivate your account. It’s annoying when u keep disappearing from the network.
81. Have you heard of the phrase “give credit where credit is due?’ Yeah, the next time you repost a link, video, note, phrase that is not your original work, give credit to the person you borrowed it from. We get annoyed when you get comments on your “re-post” than we did on our original. Thank you very much.
82. Stop sending friendship requests to everyone suggested to you by facebook. Not everyone wants to be your friend!
83. People could hurt you from teasing them with the vivid descriptions in your status update of the delicious meals you enjoy on a daily basis. Don’t do it!
84. It’s good to have self confidence but all the accolades you’ve given to yourself in that box on your profile page beneath your profile picture are a turn off. Show some modesty!
85. If I delete you from my friends list, please do not send me a friendship request again. I am so not ready for this stalkerthon!
86. Please stop posting “hot” videos on my page. In the mind of the average internet browser, “hot” is equal to “porn.” You are spoiling my reputation!
87. Stop joining fake groups like “See who Viewed Your Profile”. They are leading people on for nothing!
88. Quit complaining each time Facebook changes its interface. You always figure out how to navigate the site after fifty tries. Adapt to their gazillion changes or pack your net goods and leave!
89. I don’t know you, we have no friends in common, we did not go to the same school, we are not in the same network and we even live in different countries. What makes you think I will accept your friendship request? Pull your request off my page already before I ignore you!
90. We love to see photos but please do us a favor and stop changing your profile picture three times a day. You are making yourself appear seriously unstable!
91. Stop suggesting friends for me. If I wanted them to be my friends, I would have friended them myself!
92. A family friend is not a sibling. Stop making your daddy look bad and delete those fake siblings on your info page!
93. If you already blocked some people you once “friended,” don’t rethink your decision because the moment they find out you came to your senses and unblocked them, trust me, you will be blocked!
94. If you play more than three Facebook games a day, you seriously need to get a life. Who logs onto a social networking site to play with imaginary creatures??
95. Every once in a while, visit the market place and do some commerce. Yes, there is an application called “Marketplace,” you miser!!!
96. Please don’t let that sketching tool do a sketch of your photo. You are already scary-looking as it is!
97. Do you need another reminder that the space under my photo, status update, link and wall post is for comments, not private conversations between you and your friend? There is a reason why the chat window was created. Use it!
98. If you want to keep the members in your group, exercise restraint and send a maximum of one message a day! Your non-stop messages are crowding my inbox!
99. I am not a magician to figure out what you are thinking so do me a favor and complete the sentence in your status update. Don’t make me hide you from my news feed!
100. You have a ghost for a profile picture and you decide to change your profile name to something totally unrecognizable. Don’t be offended if I mistake you for a hacker and delete you. People who want to socialize make themselves recognizable to their friends!
77. The profile names Superman Ken, Saved Woman, Pretty Flower, Holy Angel, don’t make you those things. Use your real name for Heaven’s sake!
78. Desist from using a celebrity’s photo as your profile picture. If you are such a big fan, join their fan page!
79. You’ve been an FB member for more than a year and you still need help navigating the page. I’m sorry to tell you online networking is not for you. Do yourself a favor and deactivate your account.
80. And if you are one of the people who keeps deactivating his/her account because you can’t stand some people in your network, do us a favor and permanently deactivate your account. It’s annoying when u keep disappearing from the network.
81. Have you heard of the phrase “give credit where credit is due?’ Yeah, the next time you repost a link, video, note, phrase that is not your original work, give credit to the person you borrowed it from. We get annoyed when you get comments on your “re-post” than we did on our original. Thank you very much.
82. Stop sending friendship requests to everyone suggested to you by facebook. Not everyone wants to be your friend!
83. People could hurt you from teasing them with the vivid descriptions in your status update of the delicious meals you enjoy on a daily basis. Don’t do it!
84. It’s good to have self confidence but all the accolades you’ve given to yourself in that box on your profile page beneath your profile picture are a turn off. Show some modesty!
85. If I delete you from my friends list, please do not send me a friendship request again. I am so not ready for this stalkerthon!
86. Please stop posting “hot” videos on my page. In the mind of the average internet browser, “hot” is equal to “porn.” You are spoiling my reputation!
87. Stop joining fake groups like “See who Viewed Your Profile”. They are leading people on for nothing!
88. Quit complaining each time Facebook changes its interface. You always figure out how to navigate the site after fifty tries. Adapt to their gazillion changes or pack your net goods and leave!
89. I don’t know you, we have no friends in common, we did not go to the same school, we are not in the same network and we even live in different countries. What makes you think I will accept your friendship request? Pull your request off my page already before I ignore you!
90. We love to see photos but please do us a favor and stop changing your profile picture three times a day. You are making yourself appear seriously unstable!
91. Stop suggesting friends for me. If I wanted them to be my friends, I would have friended them myself!
92. A family friend is not a sibling. Stop making your daddy look bad and delete those fake siblings on your info page!
93. If you already blocked some people you once “friended,” don’t rethink your decision because the moment they find out you came to your senses and unblocked them, trust me, you will be blocked!
94. If you play more than three Facebook games a day, you seriously need to get a life. Who logs onto a social networking site to play with imaginary creatures??
95. Every once in a while, visit the market place and do some commerce. Yes, there is an application called “Marketplace,” you miser!!!
96. Please don’t let that sketching tool do a sketch of your photo. You are already scary-looking as it is!
97. Do you need another reminder that the space under my photo, status update, link and wall post is for comments, not private conversations between you and your friend? There is a reason why the chat window was created. Use it!
98. If you want to keep the members in your group, exercise restraint and send a maximum of one message a day! Your non-stop messages are crowding my inbox!
99. I am not a magician to figure out what you are thinking so do me a favor and complete the sentence in your status update. Don’t make me hide you from my news feed!
100. You have a ghost for a profile picture and you decide to change your profile name to something totally unrecognizable. Don’t be offended if I mistake you for a hacker and delete you. People who want to socialize make themselves recognizable to their friends!
Mame Saah's 25 Do's and Don'ts for Facebook 2010 Vol. 3 (Just for Laughs)
51. If you know your photos are boring (75% are of debilitated buildings in the city you last visited), please do us a favor and post a maximum of 45 per album. We are beginning to develop arthritis from clicking through your 400 “aesthetic” photos.
52. When you post a status update, let the first three comments be from someone other than yourself. Commenting on your own status updates before others get the chance to, shows you are desperate for attention. It’s OK if no one comments on your post. If it deserves a comment, we will comment.
53. If your status update has more than three typos in it, do us a favor - delete the update and retype with the corrected spellings. Yeah, those corrections that show up in the first three comment boxes are unnecessary. We know you can spell.
54. Half the people in your albums look like red-eyed aliens. The other half are in “silhouettes.” Spare us a trip to the eye doctor and BUY AN UPGRADED CAMERA!!!
55. Letting personal messages sit in your inbox for a week without replying is just plain rude. You are not the President. Hit the reply button!
56. I just saw this in my Live Feed-“Ophelia Johnson is now friends with Fred Simpson and five other people. About an hour ago.” Please do not lie about your whereabouts on Facebook. Live Feed will give you up!
57. Stop the self-promotions in your photo captions. No, you do not look like a supermodel in this photo. You look like a scarecrow with watercolor splashed on its face.
58. You make $10 an hour. Move the counterfeit Chanel and a Gucci bags from your lap to under the chair in your next photo. Thank you very much.
59. We’ve heard enough about what is on the minds of Malcolm X, Nelson Mandela, Maya Angelou, and Toni Morrison in your last ten status updates. Please do as Facebook is asking and tell us what is on YOUR mind!
60. Your attempts at appearing in each of the albums of the “famous Facebook paparazzo” are becoming redundant. You have had your five minutes of fame. Give it up!
61. Before you post your next personal video, please take some video shooting lessons on how to hold the camera still while filming. I am running out of extra strength Tylenol.
62. Your cute baby begins to get “uncute” after the 30th consecutive photo on your page shows a picture of ...... drum roll.... your “cute” baby! Go ahead and replace your profile name with his!
63. Excuse me, this is a public forum. Some of us are tired of cringing at your F-word-coated status updates. Cease and desist before we report you to Facebook Police!
64. Have you heard of the tool “inbox???” Yeah, use it!!! Posting my personal information on your wall is not cool.
65. When you quote the bible in your status updates one week and spit hatred and strife in the next, you appear wishy-washy, Madam Theresa wanna-be! So, what’s it going to be? Madam Theresa or Osama Bin Laden? Pick one because we really want to take you seriously when we see your next status update.
66. Your album looks like an audition for therapy when it contains 50 pictures of you alone in different poses. Sign up for therapy already so we can stop worrying about you.
67. Stop tagging me in every random photo you come across on the internet. Half of them are crude and uninteresting. You are spoiling my reputation.
68. What’s the point of having a wall if we cannot write on it? Delete your psycho friends already and release the wall!
69. If you are going to post a photo of you and I, we BOTH need to look good in the photo. If I looked like I was high on crack, you know what to do. Don’t be selfish.
70. Get over your fear of rejection and send that friendship request. Who is going to know your request was rejected besides the loser that rejected you?
71. If you are logged onto Facebook at work, save the video watching till you get home. You call attention to yourself when you slow down the firm’s network by streaming videos. Besides, I don’t like your employer browsing my page when they are investigating what you are up to.
72. When the next upcoming event shows up on your home page, please let honesty prevail for once and click “Not Attending”. You “attended” the last five events in London, Beijing, South Africa, Chicago and Atlanta from your apartment in The Bronx, NY. It’s time to give up the fibs.
73. You know he does not look hot in the photo. Cut out the brown-nosing in your comments and keep what you really meant to say to yourself!
74. If your desktop or laptop is within arm’s reach, use it. Logging onto Facebook from your mobile phone when you are sitting right in front of the computer does not show bourgeois status.
75. And if you went through the trouble of buying a smart phone just so we can see the mobile logo next to your status update, please do yourself a favor and return it. No one cares where you logged on from!
52. When you post a status update, let the first three comments be from someone other than yourself. Commenting on your own status updates before others get the chance to, shows you are desperate for attention. It’s OK if no one comments on your post. If it deserves a comment, we will comment.
53. If your status update has more than three typos in it, do us a favor - delete the update and retype with the corrected spellings. Yeah, those corrections that show up in the first three comment boxes are unnecessary. We know you can spell.
54. Half the people in your albums look like red-eyed aliens. The other half are in “silhouettes.” Spare us a trip to the eye doctor and BUY AN UPGRADED CAMERA!!!
55. Letting personal messages sit in your inbox for a week without replying is just plain rude. You are not the President. Hit the reply button!
56. I just saw this in my Live Feed-“Ophelia Johnson is now friends with Fred Simpson and five other people. About an hour ago.” Please do not lie about your whereabouts on Facebook. Live Feed will give you up!
57. Stop the self-promotions in your photo captions. No, you do not look like a supermodel in this photo. You look like a scarecrow with watercolor splashed on its face.
58. You make $10 an hour. Move the counterfeit Chanel and a Gucci bags from your lap to under the chair in your next photo. Thank you very much.
59. We’ve heard enough about what is on the minds of Malcolm X, Nelson Mandela, Maya Angelou, and Toni Morrison in your last ten status updates. Please do as Facebook is asking and tell us what is on YOUR mind!
60. Your attempts at appearing in each of the albums of the “famous Facebook paparazzo” are becoming redundant. You have had your five minutes of fame. Give it up!
61. Before you post your next personal video, please take some video shooting lessons on how to hold the camera still while filming. I am running out of extra strength Tylenol.
62. Your cute baby begins to get “uncute” after the 30th consecutive photo on your page shows a picture of ...... drum roll.... your “cute” baby! Go ahead and replace your profile name with his!
63. Excuse me, this is a public forum. Some of us are tired of cringing at your F-word-coated status updates. Cease and desist before we report you to Facebook Police!
64. Have you heard of the tool “inbox???” Yeah, use it!!! Posting my personal information on your wall is not cool.
65. When you quote the bible in your status updates one week and spit hatred and strife in the next, you appear wishy-washy, Madam Theresa wanna-be! So, what’s it going to be? Madam Theresa or Osama Bin Laden? Pick one because we really want to take you seriously when we see your next status update.
66. Your album looks like an audition for therapy when it contains 50 pictures of you alone in different poses. Sign up for therapy already so we can stop worrying about you.
67. Stop tagging me in every random photo you come across on the internet. Half of them are crude and uninteresting. You are spoiling my reputation.
68. What’s the point of having a wall if we cannot write on it? Delete your psycho friends already and release the wall!
69. If you are going to post a photo of you and I, we BOTH need to look good in the photo. If I looked like I was high on crack, you know what to do. Don’t be selfish.
70. Get over your fear of rejection and send that friendship request. Who is going to know your request was rejected besides the loser that rejected you?
71. If you are logged onto Facebook at work, save the video watching till you get home. You call attention to yourself when you slow down the firm’s network by streaming videos. Besides, I don’t like your employer browsing my page when they are investigating what you are up to.
72. When the next upcoming event shows up on your home page, please let honesty prevail for once and click “Not Attending”. You “attended” the last five events in London, Beijing, South Africa, Chicago and Atlanta from your apartment in The Bronx, NY. It’s time to give up the fibs.
73. You know he does not look hot in the photo. Cut out the brown-nosing in your comments and keep what you really meant to say to yourself!
74. If your desktop or laptop is within arm’s reach, use it. Logging onto Facebook from your mobile phone when you are sitting right in front of the computer does not show bourgeois status.
75. And if you went through the trouble of buying a smart phone just so we can see the mobile logo next to your status update, please do yourself a favor and return it. No one cares where you logged on from!
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