Here is the second set of rules in our series of Facebook Do's and Don'ts. Volume III will soon be here followed by Volume IV. Enjoy, and hope you laugh out loud!
26. "Liking" is not a favorite tool for the obssessed posters. When they post something, write a comment instead of "liking" if you love your life. LOL!
27. Stop changing your profile name every week. We no longer recognize you when you pop up on our Home Pages.
28. Stop loading pictures that are upside down. Rotate them and save our necks a doctor's visit!
29. Repeatedly sending friendship requests to the same person after being ignored is tantamount to stalking. Cut it out! No means no. Got it?
30. If you come up with a new acronym, the full meaning must be circulated together with the acronym for at least a month before the acronym can stand alone. “MDFSKKK” sounds dirty at first glance to those who do not speak twi.
31. I just sprayed a tanker of pesticide on Farmville. All the plants and residents thereof are now dead. You can give it a rest now.
32. We don’t need any more photo education on how a woman’s breasts look like half-way out of her blouse. Cover up before your next FB album photo shoot.
33. You don’t have to become a fan of every page that is suggested to you by every Tom, Dick and Harry. It’s okay to ignore some fan pages. Yeah, especially when you don’t know who or what you are just about to become a fan of???
34. This year, please limit your status updates to a maximum of two a day. You don’t have to chronicle every detail of your “great” life. Who cares if your AMG won’t start?
35. Stop rolling your eyes at every status update posted by your “frenemies.” They too are allowed to express themselves.
36. And if you know your status update is going to start a fight outside of FB, think hard before you post. Stop giving FB a bad name.
37. Stop changing your relationship status just to get attention. The fact that “it’s complicated” is an option, does not mean you have to select it.
38. If you know your name has changed since we last met, or you are not using your real name on here, don’t be mad when I ignore your friendship request. Yeah, I am that dumb. I cannot figure it out on my own that Sexy Rose is the same person as Rosemary Pow.
39.Stop posting unintelligible status updates. We log on here to rest our brains not crack them open!
40. It’s been more than a year since you joined FB and you still have less than fifty friends. Why are you here?
41. If the number of people on your list of friends exceeds 500, you cannot call half the people on there “friends.” They are what we call “stalkers!” No one has 500 friends.
42. And if you have more than a thousand people on your list of friends, you have now reached your goal. You are officially a fake celebrity. You are now allowed to let some of the “friends” go.
43. Go ahead. You can resume lurking on my page. That application called “Profile Spy” is fake. I will never know you were on my page for two hours!
44. Don’t complain when I tag you. Smiling and posing at my camera is equal to permission for me to tag you. “Untag” yourself already and let’s move on!
45. Do not post a photo of yourself that is more than five years old as your profile picture. You and I know you look nothing like that today.
46. And if you have a waterfall, a tree, a flower, or a plant in any shape or form as your profile picture, you know what to do. The last time I checked your name was not Niagra Falls, hibiscus or bougainvillea!
47. If you know your account has been bugged by a hacker, change your password already. I get excited when I see that I have new messages in my inbox. Your hacker is bursting my bubble!
48. If you have a personal message for a person that sent you and many others a group message, please do not hit that “reply all” button. Spare us and reply to him/her only, or create a new message. Thank you very much!
49. If you are chatting up three people including me at the same time, stay focused. I’ve been getting too many “accidental messages” from you. Hmm!
50. If you took time to read all the above rules, give yourself a pat on the back. You are officially a staunch Facebooker!
Welcome to Osaah's Pen! A blog by Mame Saah. Here's your one-stop shop for the funnies, the current, the gossip and the oh-lah-lah! My pen and I hope to get a chuckle out of you during your visit. Happy Reading and do leave us a comment!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Mame Saah's 25 Do's and Don'ts for Facebook 2010 Vol. 1
This is my first in the series of my 25 Do's and Don't for Facebook. It was popular among my readers on Facebook so I kept going. I am now at Volume 4 which I totally forgot to share. So, in order to re-cap before sharing volume 4, here you are. Hope you laugh out loud. Enjoy!
1. Don’t be poking me when you know I don’t know you and you are not on my friend’s list.
2. If we haven’t been in touch for five years or more and I accept your friend request, don’t just sit there. Poke me, write on my wall or inbox me so that we can start the reconnection! Lurking around my page for a year without one comment is not reconnection. It’s called creepiness!
3. And if you know I accepted you because we have common friends, go ahead and break the ice. Say something. I don’t bite!
4. You have been on Facebook for two years and you still have no profile picture. You suck! Post a picture!
5. Talking about pictures, once in a while, you too share some photos. You know you are logging on every five minutes to see if someone has posted an album. This year, it’s your turn to make Facebook interesting for someone else. I challenge you to post an album.
6. If you start chatting me up and I haven’t responded after five minutes, you should know I don’t want to talk to you. Give it up already!
7. Facebook is a social networking site, not a boxing ring so cut out the sarcastic and bickering status updates. They are a drain!
8. If you don’t have a positive comment to make about someone’s status or photo, shut up and keep your comment to yourself. We don’t need to hear your sour mouth.
9. Once in a while, you too comment on someone’s status, photo or link. You have been at the receiving end for too long.
10. You have had the same profile picture for over a year. This is 2010. Uploading a new profile picture is not rocket science. Get going!
11. If someone is on your friends list and it’s their b’day, wish them a happy b’day on their wall. It’s a nice thing to do.
12. Overusing the short-hand to write your status updates makes them difficult to read. Stop the laziness and spell out the three-letter words!
13. If you constantly have ten typing errors in your status updates, they no longer qualify as “errors.” You need English grammar lessons before you are allowed any more status updates!
14. If your virtual card, flowers and gifts require me to launch another application, stop and think very hard about what you are about to do before you hit that “share” button. You didn’t like it when someone made you launch that application in order to accept your flowers. Don’t do it to me!
15. Stop posting ten links a day to unrecognizable websites. No one reads them!
16. Let’s see some variety in your status updates this year. We’ve heard enough about your kids, your dog, your cat and the people you cannot stand!
17. If you poke me and I poke you back, give it a rest for at least a week before you poke me again!
18. If I post a photo and you like it, show it. You don’t have to make a comment. It only takes a second to click “like.”
19. Review your friendship request list and “accept’ or “ignore.” It’s that simple! Don’t leave people hanging on to the hope that maybe one day, you’ll accept their request. Ignore them already and let them start the “healing” process.
20. Don’t go begging for your friends’ passwords so you can look at my pictures. If I wanted you to see my pictures, I would have accepted your friend request!
21. If you haven’t laughed at this list so far, you are either not a Facebooker or you are incapable of taking a joke. You are therefore being sent to Mark Zukerberg and the Facebook Membership Re-evaluation Committee.
22. If someone makes a comment about something you posted, respond to their comment, it’s the polite thing to do!
23. Stop clicking the refresh or “home” button EVERY minute to see the newest activity in the “Live Feed.” Your mouse is begging for a break!
24. It’s OK to get up and go to bed when your forehead starts doing the typing for you at 2:00 am. Facebook will be there in the morning when you wake up!
25. You are addicted to Facebook as I am so stop talking bad about the Facebook addicts. You have no profile picture, have never posted a comment, link, album, etc. and yet you are always logged on feasting your eyes! What does that make you, huhn? Yeah, I thought so!
© Mame Saah 2010
1. Don’t be poking me when you know I don’t know you and you are not on my friend’s list.
2. If we haven’t been in touch for five years or more and I accept your friend request, don’t just sit there. Poke me, write on my wall or inbox me so that we can start the reconnection! Lurking around my page for a year without one comment is not reconnection. It’s called creepiness!
3. And if you know I accepted you because we have common friends, go ahead and break the ice. Say something. I don’t bite!
4. You have been on Facebook for two years and you still have no profile picture. You suck! Post a picture!
5. Talking about pictures, once in a while, you too share some photos. You know you are logging on every five minutes to see if someone has posted an album. This year, it’s your turn to make Facebook interesting for someone else. I challenge you to post an album.
6. If you start chatting me up and I haven’t responded after five minutes, you should know I don’t want to talk to you. Give it up already!
7. Facebook is a social networking site, not a boxing ring so cut out the sarcastic and bickering status updates. They are a drain!
8. If you don’t have a positive comment to make about someone’s status or photo, shut up and keep your comment to yourself. We don’t need to hear your sour mouth.
9. Once in a while, you too comment on someone’s status, photo or link. You have been at the receiving end for too long.
10. You have had the same profile picture for over a year. This is 2010. Uploading a new profile picture is not rocket science. Get going!
11. If someone is on your friends list and it’s their b’day, wish them a happy b’day on their wall. It’s a nice thing to do.
12. Overusing the short-hand to write your status updates makes them difficult to read. Stop the laziness and spell out the three-letter words!
13. If you constantly have ten typing errors in your status updates, they no longer qualify as “errors.” You need English grammar lessons before you are allowed any more status updates!
14. If your virtual card, flowers and gifts require me to launch another application, stop and think very hard about what you are about to do before you hit that “share” button. You didn’t like it when someone made you launch that application in order to accept your flowers. Don’t do it to me!
15. Stop posting ten links a day to unrecognizable websites. No one reads them!
16. Let’s see some variety in your status updates this year. We’ve heard enough about your kids, your dog, your cat and the people you cannot stand!
17. If you poke me and I poke you back, give it a rest for at least a week before you poke me again!
18. If I post a photo and you like it, show it. You don’t have to make a comment. It only takes a second to click “like.”
19. Review your friendship request list and “accept’ or “ignore.” It’s that simple! Don’t leave people hanging on to the hope that maybe one day, you’ll accept their request. Ignore them already and let them start the “healing” process.
20. Don’t go begging for your friends’ passwords so you can look at my pictures. If I wanted you to see my pictures, I would have accepted your friend request!
21. If you haven’t laughed at this list so far, you are either not a Facebooker or you are incapable of taking a joke. You are therefore being sent to Mark Zukerberg and the Facebook Membership Re-evaluation Committee.
22. If someone makes a comment about something you posted, respond to their comment, it’s the polite thing to do!
23. Stop clicking the refresh or “home” button EVERY minute to see the newest activity in the “Live Feed.” Your mouse is begging for a break!
24. It’s OK to get up and go to bed when your forehead starts doing the typing for you at 2:00 am. Facebook will be there in the morning when you wake up!
25. You are addicted to Facebook as I am so stop talking bad about the Facebook addicts. You have no profile picture, have never posted a comment, link, album, etc. and yet you are always logged on feasting your eyes! What does that make you, huhn? Yeah, I thought so!
© Mame Saah 2010
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