If you have a black sister in your life, you know by now that often times, the hair on our heads belong to us by purchase and not by birth. Our natural kinky hair is not the easiest to maintain and sometimes to avoid all the hassle from getting a perm or sitting down for hours just to get some decent braids, among many other excuses, we resort to the fastest and easiest way to getting some fabulous looking hair- wearing a wig! Now, some of us have worn wigs for so long, people are beginning to think the hair is our real hair. Being an avid wig wearer comes with the ability to take major precautions against wig accidents because trust me there is nothing more embarrassing than your wig falling off your hair in the most unexpected circumstances. Here are three true stories of wigs coming off some heads at the wrong times. Ladies, hope you learn a lesson from these stories and hold on tight to your wigs like nobody’s business. To my fake-hair- wearing ladies, this one is for you. Enjoy and hope you LOL!
1) It Can Embarrass You in Class
For a good part of my undergraduate studies, I wore a long 18-inch wig. My favorite kind: color 1B black and silky. A lot of my friends and professors must have thought it was my real hair. I don’t blame them. That’s all they ever saw on my head. So it must have been a “traumatizing” experience (haahaa!) for my Economics professor and classmates when I dozed off in class one day, and, you guessed right, my wig decided to escape from my head. This particular class was boring so I found myself often putting my head on my desk that day. I noticed my professor looking at me weird but I figured it was her dirty look to tell me to sit up. My classmates sitting adjacent to me would also steal a glance at me and giggle. I would say to myself, “Haven’t they seen a student dozing off in class before?” After a long hour and fifteen minutes, the class was over and I dashed to the bathroom before my next class. I saw people looking at me on my way to bathroom. Just when I approached the sink to wash my hands after using the bathroom, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing in the mirror. My wig had shifted all the way to the back of my head and was on the verge of falling down! And this was the day that my hair sock was not even black. It was tan in color and so obvious! I looked like a mannequin at the mall. Unfortunately, I was the only “sister” in that class and I guess no one else was comfortable enough to tell me what was going on my head! At that very moment, I wanted the floor to open so I could fall in and vanish! But my history class was beckoning me in five minutes. So, with the confidence of a proud black woman rocking her fake hair, I washed my hand, shifted my 18-inch wig in place and strutted out like nothing had happened. I head the squealing and giggling behind me and I prayed I would never see those students in the bathroom again!
2) It Can Embarrass You on a Date
Maureen loved her wigs. Every week-end, she would wear a different one out and feel way cool and pretty until one fateful date happened. This guy she had a crush on happened to ask her out on a date. She wouldn’t let us hear the end f her upcoming date with Mr. Hot Guy! We all helped her pick her outfit and dress her up. We advised her to wear her hair out and forget about her wig. Maureen was Indian with beautiful curly hair but she insisted on her favorite brown straight wig. According to her, the last time she saw Mr. Hot Guy, that’s the wig she was wearing. So, Maureen goes out to the movies with him and a stroll afterwards headed for a restaurant. Halfway there, Mr. Hot Guy goes in for a kiss. Maureen is thrilled and is about to kiss him back when she felt the dreadful happen. She opened her eyes to see her wig in Mr. Hot Guy’s hand and the most shocking look on his face. She was so embarrassed that she “fled the scene” with her wig still in Mr. Hot Guy’s hands. When she came back to the dorm room with her wigless head and told us what had happened, we laughed over and over again until it was morning. Till this day, we still laugh about this story. We believe that was the last of Maureen’s wig-wearing days.
3) It Can Embarrass You on a Holiday Trip
On a recent trip to Niagara Falls, what happened to my aunt could win an award on America’s Funniest Home Videos had my brother-in-law, sister, mother and aunt had a video camera to record their experience there. It happened to be a very windy day. The kind of wind that breaks trees down. Towards the end of their visit to the Falls, the winds begun to blow non-stop. Everyone was holding on to their property in addition to finding a safe place to hide or a strong structure to hold on to. My aunt’s first instinct was to grab onto her purse. No sooner had she secured her purse than her wig flew of her head! My brother in-law Reuben, in an attempt to impress his in-laws, decided to risk his life and chase after the wig which was rolling down fast in the wind like a soccer ball. As the wig approached the street, an on-coming car "paid respect" and stopped for the wig to cross the road. Reuben had both arms outstretched, running with all his might to catch the wig. Just when he thought he was about to grab the wig, the wig crossed the border to Canada. Still not giving up, he crossed the border with the wig, not realizing he was “illegally” in Canada! After a few minutes of frantic searching, he discovered the wig under a car on the Canadian side of the Falls. He held on tight to my aunt’s precious wig and headed back to the US only to find my almost 60-year old mother hugging a tree with both arms and legs crossed around it like a bear for fear of being blown away, and my 61-year old aunt crouching under a park bench. My sister was no where to be found; she had left the two old ladies in pursuit of saving her own life. LOL! My aunt who did not have the courage to put the wig back on her head decided to put it in her purse for the rest of the trip! Soon the winds subsided and the non-stop laughter at what had just happened ensued.
So you see, ladies, you should make sure your wig is secure when you walk out of the house because you never know when you will be the next laughing stock!
(The first two photos on the left column of this page show before and after pictures of my aunt and her wig.
Welcome to Osaah's Pen! A blog by Mame Saah. Here's your one-stop shop for the funnies, the current, the gossip and the oh-lah-lah! My pen and I hope to get a chuckle out of you during your visit. Happy Reading and do leave us a comment!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
We Are Back
We are back from our mini break. Stay tuned for this week's updates. Thanks for your committed readership!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Terms of Endearment Gone Wrong: Twenty Responses to the Guy that Makes You Want to Cringe (Written by Mame Saah)
Ladies have you ever had the wrong guy call you with a term of endearment that makes you want to cringe? Yeah, I’m sure you have. Guys, sorry but we are putting you on the chopping board today. Don’t get us wrong, we like it when these terms are used by the “right” people aka husbands, boyfriends, crushes and hot guys. But, if you know there’s no way on this planet that we are going to be romantically linked with you, please desist from using the following terms of endearment when referring to us. Please spare yourself a lot of embarrassment and use our birth names thank you very much. Yeah, ladies, as I was saying, if he calls you by a term of endearment that makes you want to cringe and you find yourself fumbling for words, here’s to helping you out with the following twenty. Its all fun and games, guys, so hope you LOL!
1. Sweetheart- My “sweet” heart just hardened and went sour the moment I heard you call me sweetheart.
2. Honey- Yeah, I sting like a bee. Wait till I sting you and see if “honey” is what will come out of your mouth.
3. Dear- The last time I checked, I didn’t have antlers and I was not hopping across the park. Get it together!
4. Darling- If there’s no animal called “darl” then darling does not exist. Don’t even think about calling me a nonexistent baby animal name!
5. Baby- Unless you see a diaper on my bottom and a pacifier in my mouth, please cease and desist from calling me “baby!”
6. Boo- I’m not scared of ghosts. If you are dead, stay dead and stop walking amongst us, “booing” people!
7. Sugar- Do I look like a walking condiment? If you lost your way to convenience store please retrace your steps and stop confusing yourself!
8. Pumpkin- If you want to turn into a pumpkin yourself, keep calling me pumpkin!
9. Sweetie Pie- Just watch, you’ll soon be calling me “tart”. Yeah, I’m good at playing opposites!
10. Love- Ma-a-a-a-n, you can’t even spell “love.” Move over!
11. My African Queen- You’ve got that right. I’m a queen and you are a subject. We don’t go together!
12. Angel- You want to borrow my wings and fly off for good?
13. Beautiful- Yep, my beauty is full. There’s no room for ya!
14. Doll- The fact that you have a fetish for dolls doesn’t mean every walking female is a doll. Book an appointment with your psychiatrist already!
15. Cutie Patutie- Define “cutie patutie!” Yeah, I thought so!
16. Girl- Do you see any ribbons and bows in my hair?
17. Gorgeous- It’s taken me more than three minutes to figure out that this is the word you are trying to pronounce, you should not be using it as a pick up word, mister! Adios!
18. Pookie- That’s what you should be naming your dog, not me.
19. Sexy- Last I heard, you could not perform part of this word. Why do you even bother? Say your permanent good-bye to your friend under your belt buckle and forget about it!
20. Sunshine- Quick, get an umbrella! It’s about to rain rejection on your sorry self! Ain’t no sunshine in this place!
1. Sweetheart- My “sweet” heart just hardened and went sour the moment I heard you call me sweetheart.
2. Honey- Yeah, I sting like a bee. Wait till I sting you and see if “honey” is what will come out of your mouth.
3. Dear- The last time I checked, I didn’t have antlers and I was not hopping across the park. Get it together!
4. Darling- If there’s no animal called “darl” then darling does not exist. Don’t even think about calling me a nonexistent baby animal name!
5. Baby- Unless you see a diaper on my bottom and a pacifier in my mouth, please cease and desist from calling me “baby!”
6. Boo- I’m not scared of ghosts. If you are dead, stay dead and stop walking amongst us, “booing” people!
7. Sugar- Do I look like a walking condiment? If you lost your way to convenience store please retrace your steps and stop confusing yourself!
8. Pumpkin- If you want to turn into a pumpkin yourself, keep calling me pumpkin!
9. Sweetie Pie- Just watch, you’ll soon be calling me “tart”. Yeah, I’m good at playing opposites!
10. Love- Ma-a-a-a-n, you can’t even spell “love.” Move over!
11. My African Queen- You’ve got that right. I’m a queen and you are a subject. We don’t go together!
12. Angel- You want to borrow my wings and fly off for good?
13. Beautiful- Yep, my beauty is full. There’s no room for ya!
14. Doll- The fact that you have a fetish for dolls doesn’t mean every walking female is a doll. Book an appointment with your psychiatrist already!
15. Cutie Patutie- Define “cutie patutie!” Yeah, I thought so!
16. Girl- Do you see any ribbons and bows in my hair?
17. Gorgeous- It’s taken me more than three minutes to figure out that this is the word you are trying to pronounce, you should not be using it as a pick up word, mister! Adios!
18. Pookie- That’s what you should be naming your dog, not me.
19. Sexy- Last I heard, you could not perform part of this word. Why do you even bother? Say your permanent good-bye to your friend under your belt buckle and forget about it!
20. Sunshine- Quick, get an umbrella! It’s about to rain rejection on your sorry self! Ain’t no sunshine in this place!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
News/Gossip: Our Three Picks
President Obama Picks Woman for Supreme Court Seat
Yippeeee! We are excited that President Obama has chosen Princeton and Harvard alum Elena Kagan to take the Supreme Court seat left by Justice John Paul Stevens. Thumbs up to Obama for believing in a woman to take one of the highest positions in the US. Yes, women have brains too and it's about time somebody realised that. OK, we sound a little bit feminist but hey, we can't help it. We've been cheated for too long. March on Ms. Kagan, jump those hurdles and take that seat!
AT&T's Monopoly Over the iPhone
One of our pet peeves is greed in every shape or form! What's behind AT&T and Apple's five year contract that iPhone be available only through AT&T until 2010? GREED! But hey, who are we to complain? We are in capitalist America. It's all about the money and more money! The iPhone is a cool gadet to have and those of us who are not with AT&T froth at the mouth at our buddies who are but we are more than willing to lead a campaign to boycott AT&T and Apple for this nonsense. But who are we kidding? It's the tech era and we'll have a bunch of betrayers who will fall off the bandwagon so are going to bed with our wishful thinking. Goodnight!
Bobby Brown is Engaged to His Baby Mama
Bobby Brown proposed to his manager/girlfriend of three years Alicia Etheridge onstage during a concert in Florida last friday while she carried their eleven month old son Cassius. Well, congratulations to them but why is Bobby Brown having more children when he can't even pay child support for his other children? There should be a law banning fathers who don't take care of their kids from having more kids. That's what I say! Let's hope Bobby gets his act together this time, stays sober and does right by all five of his children!
AT&T's Monopoly Over the iPhone
One of our pet peeves is greed in every shape or form! What's behind AT&T and Apple's five year contract that iPhone be available only through AT&T until 2010? GREED! But hey, who are we to complain? We are in capitalist America. It's all about the money and more money! The iPhone is a cool gadet to have and those of us who are not with AT&T froth at the mouth at our buddies who are but we are more than willing to lead a campaign to boycott AT&T and Apple for this nonsense. But who are we kidding? It's the tech era and we'll have a bunch of betrayers who will fall off the bandwagon so are going to bed with our wishful thinking. Goodnight!
Bobby Brown is Engaged to His Baby Mama
Bobby Brown proposed to his manager/girlfriend of three years Alicia Etheridge onstage during a concert in Florida last friday while she carried their eleven month old son Cassius. Well, congratulations to them but why is Bobby Brown having more children when he can't even pay child support for his other children? There should be a law banning fathers who don't take care of their kids from having more kids. That's what I say! Let's hope Bobby gets his act together this time, stays sober and does right by all five of his children!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Twenty Reasons Why Your Name is Mama (Written by Mame Saah)
Motherhood is no doubt a daunting task but it is also one of the most fun jobs to have. Mothers spend a lot of time taking care of their children, they tend to be some of the most stressed people around. Here’s to de-stressing for you mothers out there and I hope you LOL. Happy Mother’s Day!
You sure are a mother if…
When they are toddlers:
1. Your purse is a walking pharmacy, convenience store and grocery store. Items constantly in your purse: Tylenol, diapers, snacks and juice!
2. You’ve been to the emergency room looking like a mad woman with your hair looking like you’ve been electrocuted and the only item of clothing you have on is your “grandma” night gown. Why? Because your child had an accident, his/her temperature went over the roof or he or she had a medical emergency of some sort, all you could think of was getting to the emergency room.
3. You only become aware of your appearance after the storm has passed and your child is OK.
4. You’ve had thoughts of whopping the life out of another child because he or she bullied your child but you played nice because the bully’s parents were also present at the playground/play date.
5. People give you dirty looks when you board the plane with your little children in tow.
6. You have eyes at the back and front of your head. You can see the rascal doing artwork with crayons on your wall while you are cooking in the kitchen.
7. You are one of the few people that know the secret to getting rid of crayon marks without repainting.
8. You’ve walked in on your child covering himself from head to toe in milk, Vaseline, powder, flour or some other form of powder, cream or liquid.
9. You have a kaleidoscope of colors under your rug/on your carpet thanks to different juice flavors that have comfortably settled in for a holiday until some power washing or new flooring is done.
10. You’ve resembled a walking zombie on many occasions. Case in point: the first six weeks after your child was born when you had close to zero hours of sleep per day.
11. There is one particular day that you find the father of your child to be the most annoying person on the planet: The day you check into the labor and delivery ward. For some weird reason (ha!) you find his voice to be the most irritating while you suffer through your contractions.
12. You’ve been in severe panic mode because you thought your child had been abducted from your home only to find him hiding in your cabinet, closet or under the bed with a sheepish smile on his face!
13. Your child has said something embarrassing or asked you an embarrassing question out loud in public.
14. You’ve had to chase after your straying child in your heels in the parking lot to get him out of harm’s way.
When they are teenagers:
15. You’ve become a thief in the night. You regularly steal her diary while your daughter is sleeping to find out what she’s up to.
16. “As long as you live under my roof…” begins many of your discussions with your child.
17. You are a nervous wreck until your child comes home late from a date or evening event when you suddenly become the macho disciplinarian.
18. Your title has changed from “cool mum” to “public enemy.”
When they are adults:
19. Though they are living on their own, you are still a nervous wreck because you never stop worrying about your children. Your heart skips a beat the first few seconds they call and resume regular beating when you can tell there’s nothing wrong.
20. You know you are a special person because it takes a special person to be a mother. Give yourself a pat on the back and walk tall with your head up. You are a phenomenal woman! Happy Mother’s Day!
You sure are a mother if…
When they are toddlers:
1. Your purse is a walking pharmacy, convenience store and grocery store. Items constantly in your purse: Tylenol, diapers, snacks and juice!
2. You’ve been to the emergency room looking like a mad woman with your hair looking like you’ve been electrocuted and the only item of clothing you have on is your “grandma” night gown. Why? Because your child had an accident, his/her temperature went over the roof or he or she had a medical emergency of some sort, all you could think of was getting to the emergency room.
3. You only become aware of your appearance after the storm has passed and your child is OK.
4. You’ve had thoughts of whopping the life out of another child because he or she bullied your child but you played nice because the bully’s parents were also present at the playground/play date.
5. People give you dirty looks when you board the plane with your little children in tow.
6. You have eyes at the back and front of your head. You can see the rascal doing artwork with crayons on your wall while you are cooking in the kitchen.
7. You are one of the few people that know the secret to getting rid of crayon marks without repainting.
8. You’ve walked in on your child covering himself from head to toe in milk, Vaseline, powder, flour or some other form of powder, cream or liquid.
9. You have a kaleidoscope of colors under your rug/on your carpet thanks to different juice flavors that have comfortably settled in for a holiday until some power washing or new flooring is done.
10. You’ve resembled a walking zombie on many occasions. Case in point: the first six weeks after your child was born when you had close to zero hours of sleep per day.
11. There is one particular day that you find the father of your child to be the most annoying person on the planet: The day you check into the labor and delivery ward. For some weird reason (ha!) you find his voice to be the most irritating while you suffer through your contractions.
12. You’ve been in severe panic mode because you thought your child had been abducted from your home only to find him hiding in your cabinet, closet or under the bed with a sheepish smile on his face!
13. Your child has said something embarrassing or asked you an embarrassing question out loud in public.
14. You’ve had to chase after your straying child in your heels in the parking lot to get him out of harm’s way.
When they are teenagers:
15. You’ve become a thief in the night. You regularly steal her diary while your daughter is sleeping to find out what she’s up to.
16. “As long as you live under my roof…” begins many of your discussions with your child.
17. You are a nervous wreck until your child comes home late from a date or evening event when you suddenly become the macho disciplinarian.
18. Your title has changed from “cool mum” to “public enemy.”
When they are adults:
19. Though they are living on their own, you are still a nervous wreck because you never stop worrying about your children. Your heart skips a beat the first few seconds they call and resume regular beating when you can tell there’s nothing wrong.
20. You know you are a special person because it takes a special person to be a mother. Give yourself a pat on the back and walk tall with your head up. You are a phenomenal woman! Happy Mother’s Day!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
News/Gossip: Our Three Picks
Nigerians Lose Their Head of State
The Halle and Aubry Relationship is Over
Yes, guys, you can keep hope alive- Halle Berry is single again (boy, do we sound cold!) Here’s your chance at dating the world’s most beautiful woman. Our hearts break for Halle. So talented and so beautiful! Please join our petition to ABC to make Halle the next Bachelorette! LOL! As she can’t find “committing” guys in the real world, TV might be her answer. Hey, it worked for Trista and Ryan!
Sandra Bullock is Divorcing Jesse James and Has Adopted a Black Baby
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra! Our hearts break for thee. Sigh! We will snap out of it ‘cause Jesse James was not a suitor anyway! You just watch, you will find you a clean cut, loving and faithful gentleman pretty soon. And what an incredible thing to do, giving a child a chance at having a loving mother and a great life. God bless you for doing this. For those of you complaining that she adopted a “black” baby, are you really serious? Every single child, irrespective of his/her color, deserves a loving home, period. How is the color of their adoptive parent(s) going to make their situation worse? Please find something else to complain about and leave Sandra alone. Thank you very much! We wish Sandra and baby Louis a happy bonding time!
Our thoughts and prayers are with our Nigerian brothers and sisters. May you be comforted as you mourn the loss of your leader, President Umaru Yar’Adua who passed away today at age 58. Let’s hope we don’t lose another president this year. Two is far too much!
The Halle and Aubry Relationship is Over
Sandra Bullock is Divorcing Jesse James and Has Adopted a Black Baby
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Learning American English 101 (Written by Mame Saah)
If you are an immigrant in America from a country that was a former British colony, you must have faced many culture shocks when you first arrived but I’m sure you will agree with me that none proved to be more of a shock than realizing that no, Americans do not understand the English that you think you know and speak so well. Why, because some of the words you use are alien to them. They think you are using words in the wrong context and need English lessons. Your college professors have made one too many corrections in your assignments after scratching their heads trying to figure out what in the world you mean by the words you are using! Americans who have befriended or worked with you have had simple conversations become complex due to these alien words. You on the other hand, out of frustration, have asked yourself many times, “Are we not speaking the same language? Is it not English that Americans speak?” You thump your fist on your chest insisting that you speak the Queen’s English. In your opinion, Americans are the ones that need English lessons. Well, permit me to announce to you, if you have not realized it yet, that yes, Americans use different words from many of the English words you know. Learn them now and let’s end this “war of the words.” Those of you who are yet to migrate to this land, here is your first course, “Learning American English 101.” Hope you LOL while you acquire some knowledge.
1. Lift- The next time you are looking for the equipment that can get you to the top floor of a high-rise building, please ask for the Elevator before someone looks at you weird that you trying to tell them to carry you up the building.
2. Boot- If you don’t want your American friend looking for your “shoe” the next time you ask them to place an item in your boot, please kindly say Trunk. Yes, it’s not the elephant’s long “nose”, it’s the space at the back of your car.
3. Toffee- I know, the last time you mentioned “Candy,” you were calling your girlfriend. But when your co-worker says thank you for the Candy, he means the toffee, not your girlfriend.
4. Handbag- If your American date asks you for a Purse for her birthday, don’t go buying some small wallet. She means a big old handbag. Yep, they call handbags, purses.
5. Purse- You heard me, what you know as purse (for women) is what Americans call wallet. Confusing, I know!
6. Trousers- Please avoid major embarrassment if the dress code for your friend’s party involves Pants. He means trousers, not your dross!
7. Pants- By now you should have figured out that what you know as pants, is not the same thing Americans know as pants. Say Underwear, the next time you want to say pants. Let’ not complicate matters for our dear Americans.
8.Afro Comb- If you don’t want to be the laughing stock at the hair salon, the next time you want an afro comb, kindly ask for the Pick. Trust me, they will bring you the beloved comb and not a small stick for your teeth.
9. Cream- Please kindly say Lotion before the store clerk directs you to the milk, cheese and butter aisle at Wal-Mart.
10. Lorry- And guys, if you don’t want your American friends to start worrying about you that your are now giving vehicles female names like “Laurie,” kindly use the word Truck the next time you see a lorry.
11. Rubbish- Before you have your boss thinking you are insulting him, next time say “that is Trash” not “that is rubbish” if he asks you about those items on your desk you plan to throw away.
12. Mineral- Please tell them you want to drink another can of Soda before they check you in the psych ward for attempted suicide.
13. Hair Clips- The next time your friend asks you to buy Barrettes for her daughter, please don’t head to the military store for a soldier’s cap. She means the decorative colorful clips for her daughter’s hair.
14. Stockings- Hmm, we don’t know why they call it Pantyhose when the thing is supporting two full legs. Let’s just go along with it. They might think you are a thief if you tell them you have to put on your stockings for your job at the bank.
15. Fridge- I don’t know why they prefer the long unpronounceable word but for the sake of peace, make a big effort and say R-E-F-R-I-G-E-R-A-T-O-R.
16. Chain- If you don’t want imaginations running wild, please say Necklace, next time you innocently tell a friend how you fell asleep with your chain on. Hmm!
17. Tin- This is one of those matter-of-fact cases. Tin is equal to Can in America, case closed!
18. Okro- Oh, changing one little vowel makes such a big difference! Yep, Okra it is! They will think your are having major accent issues if you say “okro.”
19. Wardrobe- Americans often use wardrobe in reference to your clothes, not the structure in which you put your clothes. The magic word here is Closet. I know, beats my imagination too!
20. Cupboard- Says American to British, “It’s not a board on which you sit a cup. We like the word Cabinet so that’s what we’ll call it! Take it or leave it!”
21. Duvet- American: Huhn? Why must you complicate matters? Du what??? If it comforts you, what do you call it?
British: Comforter!
American: Exactly!
22. Napkin- Americans cannot bring themselves to use the same word for the item used to wipe the mouth when the food goes in, and cover the bottom for when the food comes out. So, Diaper it is!
23. Dummy- American: There you go again. If it pacifies the baby, what’s the simplest word to call it?
British: Pacifier
American: Exactly! You are learning real fast!
24. Biscuit- What they call biscuit here looks like bread, tart or rock buns. What you know as biscuit, is called Cookie in America. Why? Because they can!
25. Cutlery- The last time I checked, neither a fork nor a spoon was flat so I don’t know what they were thinking when they chose Flatware. Your turn to ask the American, “If it can cut through food, what do you think is the better word, Cutlery or Flatware???
26. Bonnet- You are not the only confused person. I also thought Hood was the slang word for neighborhood. Go figure! Anyhoo, please don’t get a panic attack when your friend suggests you pop the hood. He means open the bonnet of your car, not shoot the neighborhood!
27. Polythene/Rubber Bag- They call it Plastic Bag here. I know, it has no resemblance to the hard rubber called plastic but that’s what they choose to call it so please get it right once and for all.
28. Pear- What you know as pear is called Avocado by Americans. Their pear is a fruit, not a vegetable. I know, you thought it would be so easy to adjust ’cause you speak the same language. Ha!
29. Carpet- In your native country, a rug is that piece of cloth used to clean the floor or around the house but n-o-o-o-o-o Americans had to complicate matters again and use Rug synonymously with carpet. Sigh!
30. Congratulations on finishing your first course in learning American English. We wish you the best of luck in your Assimilation!
1. Lift- The next time you are looking for the equipment that can get you to the top floor of a high-rise building, please ask for the Elevator before someone looks at you weird that you trying to tell them to carry you up the building.
2. Boot- If you don’t want your American friend looking for your “shoe” the next time you ask them to place an item in your boot, please kindly say Trunk. Yes, it’s not the elephant’s long “nose”, it’s the space at the back of your car.
3. Toffee- I know, the last time you mentioned “Candy,” you were calling your girlfriend. But when your co-worker says thank you for the Candy, he means the toffee, not your girlfriend.
4. Handbag- If your American date asks you for a Purse for her birthday, don’t go buying some small wallet. She means a big old handbag. Yep, they call handbags, purses.
5. Purse- You heard me, what you know as purse (for women) is what Americans call wallet. Confusing, I know!
6. Trousers- Please avoid major embarrassment if the dress code for your friend’s party involves Pants. He means trousers, not your dross!
7. Pants- By now you should have figured out that what you know as pants, is not the same thing Americans know as pants. Say Underwear, the next time you want to say pants. Let’ not complicate matters for our dear Americans.
8.Afro Comb- If you don’t want to be the laughing stock at the hair salon, the next time you want an afro comb, kindly ask for the Pick. Trust me, they will bring you the beloved comb and not a small stick for your teeth.
9. Cream- Please kindly say Lotion before the store clerk directs you to the milk, cheese and butter aisle at Wal-Mart.
10. Lorry- And guys, if you don’t want your American friends to start worrying about you that your are now giving vehicles female names like “Laurie,” kindly use the word Truck the next time you see a lorry.
11. Rubbish- Before you have your boss thinking you are insulting him, next time say “that is Trash” not “that is rubbish” if he asks you about those items on your desk you plan to throw away.
12. Mineral- Please tell them you want to drink another can of Soda before they check you in the psych ward for attempted suicide.
13. Hair Clips- The next time your friend asks you to buy Barrettes for her daughter, please don’t head to the military store for a soldier’s cap. She means the decorative colorful clips for her daughter’s hair.
14. Stockings- Hmm, we don’t know why they call it Pantyhose when the thing is supporting two full legs. Let’s just go along with it. They might think you are a thief if you tell them you have to put on your stockings for your job at the bank.
15. Fridge- I don’t know why they prefer the long unpronounceable word but for the sake of peace, make a big effort and say R-E-F-R-I-G-E-R-A-T-O-R.
16. Chain- If you don’t want imaginations running wild, please say Necklace, next time you innocently tell a friend how you fell asleep with your chain on. Hmm!
17. Tin- This is one of those matter-of-fact cases. Tin is equal to Can in America, case closed!
18. Okro- Oh, changing one little vowel makes such a big difference! Yep, Okra it is! They will think your are having major accent issues if you say “okro.”
19. Wardrobe- Americans often use wardrobe in reference to your clothes, not the structure in which you put your clothes. The magic word here is Closet. I know, beats my imagination too!
20. Cupboard- Says American to British, “It’s not a board on which you sit a cup. We like the word Cabinet so that’s what we’ll call it! Take it or leave it!”
21. Duvet- American: Huhn? Why must you complicate matters? Du what??? If it comforts you, what do you call it?
British: Comforter!
American: Exactly!
22. Napkin- Americans cannot bring themselves to use the same word for the item used to wipe the mouth when the food goes in, and cover the bottom for when the food comes out. So, Diaper it is!
23. Dummy- American: There you go again. If it pacifies the baby, what’s the simplest word to call it?
British: Pacifier
American: Exactly! You are learning real fast!
24. Biscuit- What they call biscuit here looks like bread, tart or rock buns. What you know as biscuit, is called Cookie in America. Why? Because they can!
25. Cutlery- The last time I checked, neither a fork nor a spoon was flat so I don’t know what they were thinking when they chose Flatware. Your turn to ask the American, “If it can cut through food, what do you think is the better word, Cutlery or Flatware???
26. Bonnet- You are not the only confused person. I also thought Hood was the slang word for neighborhood. Go figure! Anyhoo, please don’t get a panic attack when your friend suggests you pop the hood. He means open the bonnet of your car, not shoot the neighborhood!
27. Polythene/Rubber Bag- They call it Plastic Bag here. I know, it has no resemblance to the hard rubber called plastic but that’s what they choose to call it so please get it right once and for all.
28. Pear- What you know as pear is called Avocado by Americans. Their pear is a fruit, not a vegetable. I know, you thought it would be so easy to adjust ’cause you speak the same language. Ha!
29. Carpet- In your native country, a rug is that piece of cloth used to clean the floor or around the house but n-o-o-o-o-o Americans had to complicate matters again and use Rug synonymously with carpet. Sigh!
30. Congratulations on finishing your first course in learning American English. We wish you the best of luck in your Assimilation!
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