1. You have a lopsided broken-down car sitting in your driveway /yard in addition to your two functioning cars. Lopsided because the car is sitting on wheels that are cutting through flat tires that lost air some 5 years ago. You don’t have 3 cars and this doesn’t show status; it is ghetto! Cut out the separation anxiety and have the dead car towed already!
2. The flowers in your front yard are crying for water. You’ve plucked out all the dead leaves and have a half-dead flower with two yellow leaves left standing in the flower pot. Please put the thing in the trash and stop messing with the aesthetic scene at the neighborhood!
3. Your door bell is so cracked up your guests have to get tetanus shots after visiting your home. Head for Home Depot, please!
4. Your blinds look like 5 monkeys have been swinging on them on a constant basis. Child, they are an eyesore for those of us who have to see them from the outside! Have you heard of “Blinds to Go”? Yeah, please pay a visit to that store, thank you very much!
5. Your car sits in the driveway while your garage has been turned into a junk yard. Ghetto-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
6. You are the only one with your trash in trash bags while all your neighbors have theirs in trash bins on trash pick up days. You are killing the trash pick-up guys. Please cease and desist and use your trash bin effective immediately!
7. Your front door mat is curling up at the corners! Why???????
8. There’s a hole in the wall inside your home from moving furniture when you first moved in. It’s been six years now. When are you going to seal the hole? Hmmm?
9. Your dishwasher has been converted into a drying rack for so long you’ve forgotten how it even works. It is called a D-I-S-H W-A-S-H-E-R, use it!
10. We will find a dumpster beside and behind your stove if we dare shift it for any reason! Please, the thing is movable. The area beside it and behind it needs the works of a broom and mop once in a while!
11. You have diluted your dish-washing soap so much the thing doesn’t even lather up anymore. Please leave the soap alone to work like it’s supposed to, thank you very much!
12. Your dish-washing sponge has changed color from green to off-white. It’s time to buy a new one!
13. The last time we came over, your cooking pots were shinny sparking silver. Did a sooth storm pass through your kitchen?
14. This is the fifth time you are using it to wipe your wet counter. Your piece of paper towel is crying for mercy. Drop it in the trash already and tear off a new one!
15. We will find six different holes behind each picture/artwork hanging on your wall from when you first tried to hang them up. Your walls are about to cave in!
16. The photos on your wall are of people you do not know. This is YOUR home. What are the strangers doing on your walls???
17. You have three different TV’s sitting on top of each other in your living room. Again, this doesn’t show status; it is very GHETTO! Donate two of them or sell them in a yard sale or something, geez!
18. Your couch looks like 30 birds flew out of them! Cover the thing up, please!
19. Have you heard of carpet cleaners? Let’s put their number on speed dial, shall we? The kaleidoscope of juice stains on your carpet is blinding!
20. The bristle of your toothbrush is almost parallel to the base/handle. If you visited the dentist, you would know you have to change your toothbrush once very 3 months, not every five years!
21. Why is your shower curtain liner looking like there was a mudslide in your bathroom? Errm, the thing is supposed to be replaceable. Gracias!
22. Spiders are going to school in the corners of your ceiling. Stop the excuses, climb up the ladder and put those spiders and their webs on a permanent vacation!
23. We shudder to see what your pillows look like when the covers are pulled off. You wonder why your guests bring their own pillows when they come to visit?
24. A family of rats have taken permanent residence in your pantry!
25. You cracked up real bad or sucked your teeth real loud reading the above. Either way, each reaction is a big SIGN you are guilty as charged!!! Please get on it and de-ghettofy your home pronto! LOL!
Welcome to Osaah's Pen! A blog by Mame Saah. Here's your one-stop shop for the funnies, the current, the gossip and the oh-lah-lah! My pen and I hope to get a chuckle out of you during your visit. Happy Reading and do leave us a comment!
